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After Missing Deadline On His Russian Oligarch List Homework, Steve Mnuchin Panics And Copies Off Forbes

This fucking guy is literally not even trying anymore.
(Getty Images)

(Getty Images)

You know how Steve Mnuchin often comes off like the rather thick-witted kid from your sophomore dorm who never seems to grasp what is happening around him? The mouth-breathing sidekick of the cooler kid that he glommed onto during orientation? The guy who just nods and smiles at the wrong jokes and is almost definitely paying that blonde freshman to pretend to be his new girlfriend? The guy who throws a snowball as if his high school Phys Ed teacher was Helen Keller? The dude who must have gotten into school via some family legacy hookup?

Well, that's probably because he still is that guy. After congress demanded that the Treasury Department compile a list of Russian oligarchs as part of legislation retaliating against Russia for meddling in our elections, Mnuchin and his team waited until the final day of the six-month deadline, then submitted his deeply researched list in the dead of night and acted super pissy about everyone claiming that he wasn't taking his work seriously enough...

“We will take the basis of that report and look at, as we do in the normal course, where it’s appropriate to put sanctions. This should in no way be interpreted as we’re not putting sanctions on any of the people in that report,” Mnuchin said. “I don’t think in anyway we are slow-walking the report delivered last night and we look forward to discussing with you in a classified setting.”

But like everything else he's done; the one-page tax reform plan, government-funded honeymoons, Bond villain photo ops, talking down the dollar at a "non-globalist" conference with "Global" in its title, the real story behind Mnuchin's "oligarchs list" turned out to be a spectacularly dumb and lazy last-minute attempt at trying to look like he has a clue as to what he is fucking doing...

The 96 tycoons named in the U.S. list match the list of billionaires published by the Russian edition of Forbes magazine last year. A Treasury spokesman, who spoke on condition of anonymity, confirmed that the unclassified portion of the report that was submitted to Congress was derived from publicly available sources, including Forbes.

So basically the actual Treasury Secretary took a legislative mandate from Congress to retaliate against a foreign power trying to fuck with our republic, and responded by having an intern take every Russian name from the Forbes "Rich List," lop Putin of the top, and then handed it in as a semi-classified report.

Steve Mnuchin just copied his fucking homework like a gormless tween copy and pasting the Wikipedia entry for Sebastian Bach into his music theory term paper. But Mnuchin is the kind of careless, to-the-manor-born, consequence-free fuckwit that doesn't even notice he's using the Wiki entry for the lead singer of Skid Row and not the German baroque composer. But since this is Steve Mnuchin, Congress is still going to give him a C and he'll still get into Yale.



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