Patrick Doyle spent eight years working actual fucking magic on Domino's Pizza stock price, and also managed to survive a near-decade of having to (at least occasionally) eat Domino's pizza.
So it must have been like a whisper from the heavens when Bill Ackman heard rumors that Doyle was leaving Domino's and might have interest in rescuing Chipotle. After all, what could be a better fit than a man who took terrible pizza and managed to return a 1,300% increase to investors during his reign?
Alas, as is his wont, Ackman must now give in to disappointment...
Domino’s Pizza Co. Chief Executive J. Patrick Doyle, who is stepping down at the end of June, on Wednesday dismissed speculation that he might move to Chipotle Mexican Grill Inc. to turn around business at the casual restaurant chain.
Doyle, 54, said at the company’s investor day meeting that he was not leaving the business and would take six months to relax and plan his next move.
Sorry Bill, but why would a man spend years covering himself in glory and avoiding death by cardboard pizza only to take a flyer on a troubled chain that would almost certainly give him at least one nightmarish bout with diarrhea?
Also, Happy New Year.