Steve Mnuchin Sees 'No Need' For Dollar That Doesn't Bear His Physical Signature

Louise Can't roll around naked in Bitcoin, y'all.
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Late last month, Steve Mnuchin’s Bel Air residence was transformed into a literal “shithole” (that’s to be distinguished from the figurative “shitholes” Donald Trump described in his immigration meeting with lawmakers on Thursday) when Robby Strong, a clinical psychologist with the County of Los Angeles Department of Mental Health, dropped off a gift-wrapped box of horse manure on the Treasury Secretary’s driveway.

SecretaryMnuchin

Strong’s “strong” gesture was an attempt to convey everyday Americans’ collective displeasure at the GOP tax bill which, by almost all accounts, disproportionately benefits corporate “citizens” and wealthy people. So, corporations and people like Steve Mnuchin.

Of course Steve hasn’t done himself any favors over the past six or so months when it comes to dispeling the idea that he and trophy wife Louise Linton are akin to “James Bond villains.” In fact, when given the chance to refute rumors that he and Linton might have been previously employed by Dr. Evil, Mnuchin told Fox News that he “takes it as a compliment” when Americans compare him to the antagonist from a spy thriller.

In addition to Linton’s infamous poor-shaming of an Instagram follower (a mother of three who Linton hilariously lambasted for not paying enough taxes), Mnuchin’s money selfie served to turn Steve into the poster child for America’s ongoing transformation from democracy to kleptocracy. Long story short, the following indelible image that was seared into the minds of America’s middle class back in November looks like it could have been a screenshot from a late 90s Bad Boy video if Puff Daddy had signed his accountant instead of Ma$e:

Screen Shot 2018-01-12 at 10.25.17 AM

Well on Friday, while speaking to an audience at a Washington Economic Club breakfast, Mnuchin tried to set the record straight on the whole tax bill thing. Specifically, he wants anyone who is thinking about following Robby Strong’s lead by literally shitting in his driveway to know this:

TREASURY SEC. MNUCHIN SAYS HIS TAX RATE IS GOING UP

So there. Take that you poors.

Of course he’ll need to explain to Linton that just because they’re going be paying more in taxes next year definitely doesn’t mean she should rub it in the face of the peasant class. If you recall, Linton cited the amount she and Steve pay in taxes as evidence of her “sacrifice” to America in the Instagram post mentioned above.

But Steve didn’t agree to speak at a breakfast club just so he could talk about how much he stands to lose from the tax bill that definitely benefits him. He had other things on his mind too. Like cryptocurrencies.

To be sure, we already knew the administration was keeping an eye on the increasingly surreal world of make-believe space tokens. We know that because Hucka-San told us so a couple of months back.

“I know this is something that is being monitored by our team here,” she said a November press briefing. When asked for specifics, she hilariously suggested that Homeland Security is “keeping an eye on it.” Phew.

On the off chance you were still worried, Mnuchin was out on Friday reassuring America that cryptocurrencies at the top of his “focus” list:

MNUCHIN SAYS HE'S VERY FOCUSED ON CRYPTOCURRENCIES

So “focused” is Mnuchin that he apparently took it up with the Fed:

MNUCHIN SAYS HE SPOKE TO FED ABOUT CRYPTOCURRENCIES

After what I’m sure was a vociferous debate, everyone collectively decided that, for the time being, there’s no need for Jerome-coin:

MNUCHIN SAYS HE, FED THINK NO NEED FOR DIGITAL DOLLAR

That’s probably a relief for Linton because digital dollars, by virtue of being digital, can’t be fingered in photo ops, and neither can they bear the physical signature of her husband.

As for whether there’s any end in sight to Steve’s reign, the answer is “not on your life.”

MNUCHIN PLANS TO BE TREASURY SEC. AS LONG AS TRUMP PRESIDENT

Starting next week, Heisenberg will be a regular contributor to Dealbreaker...we have no idea why he agreed to it either.

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