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New Book Claims Gary Cohn's White House Life Is As Abjectly Miserable As We've Always Hoped

The Big Grundle is "in a constant state of shock and horror" and we can finally learn to love again.
 Medicated Gary.

Medicated Gary.

Michael Wolff's new book about the goings on inside the Trump White House was obtained by CNBC and excerpted in New York Magazine this afternoon. While the whole thing sounds like quite the read, one part in particular has us eager to pick up a cope.

In what CNBC seems to report is part of an email that made its way around the West Wing and was "purporting to represent the views of Gary Cohn," we get a real glimpse into The Big Grundle's mental state over the last 12 months. While we're unclear on how these thoughts came to be collected, we are choosing to believe that a Trump acolyte junior staffer in White House IT saw an email from Gary's account addressed to Lloyd Blankfein on the office server and shared it with staffers in an attempt to undermine a traitor.

Because, holy fuckeroni, does Gary sound like a disloyal snowflake:

"It's worse than you can imagine. An idiot surrounded by clowns. Trump won't read anything - not one-page memos, not the brief policy papers; nothing. He gets up halfway through meetings with world leaders because he is bored. And his staff is no better. Kushner is an entitled baby who knows nothing. Bannon is an arrogant prick who thinks he's smarter than he is. Trump is less a person than a collection of terrible traits. No one will survive the first year but his family. I hate the work, but feel I need to stay because I'm the only person there with a clue what he's doing. The reason so few jobs have been filled is that they only accept people who pass ridiculous purity tests, even for midlevel policy-making jobs where the people will never see the light of day."

And if that wasn't all good enough, Gary ends his (probable) email to Lloyd with the one phrase we've wanted to hear him say for months now:

"I am in a constant state of shock and horror."

Gary, you have no idea how happy we are to read these words.



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