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Opening Bell: 1.23.18

Shutdown over;Jamie Dimon spends his tax windfall; Elon Musk has a new contract for $0; over-excited man shows his dick to a crocodile; and more!
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Government Shutdown Ends After 3 Days of Recriminations [NYT]
Congress brought an end to a three-day government shutdown on Monday as Senate Democrats buckled under pressure to adopt a short-term spending bill to fund government operations without first addressing the fate of young undocumented immigrants.
The House quickly approved the measure — which will fund the government through Feb. 8 and extend funding for the popular Children’s Health Insurance Program for six years — and President Trump signed it on Monday night.

Here’s What Trump’s Tariffs on U.S. Imports Are Doing to Markets [Bloomberg]
American beneficiaries such as First Solar Inc. climbed more than 6 percent in after-hours trading Monday in New York. In Seoul, washing-machine maker LG Electronics Inc. tumbled more than 5 percent within the first 15 minutes of trading before reversing losses to close higher. Samsung Electronics Co., which also counts those appliances among its many products, shrugged off the news from the start, closing with a 1.9 percent advance.

How JPMorgan Will Spend a Big Chunk of Its Tax Windfall [WSJ]
The largest U.S. bank by assets is planning to open up to 400 branches in new markets across the country, grow its home lending to lower-income consumers and boost wages for some retail-banking employees, among other changes, Chief Executive James Dimon said in an interview.
JPMorgan is one of many large companies passing its employees or clients some of the windfall of billions of dollars in expected additional profit from the tax-code overhaul enacted late last year. The bank’s effective tax rate will be about 19% this year and 20% over the near term, down from 35% previously, finance chief Marianne Lake said during an earnings call earlier in January.

Tesla’s Pay Deal to Keep Elon Musk: All or Nothing [NYT]
The company is planning to announce on Tuesday Mr. Musk’s new compensation plan, and it is perhaps the most radical in corporate history: Mr. Musk will be paid only if he reaches a series of jaw-dropping milestones based on the company’s market value and operations. Otherwise, he will be paid nothing.
Tesla’s Elon Musk Reassures Investors Over Model 3 Delays NOV. 1, 2017
Tesla has set a dozen targets, each $50 billion more than the next, starting at $100 billion, then $150 billion, then $200 billion and so on, all the way to a market value of $650 billion. In addition, the company has set a dozen revenue and adjusted profit goals. Mr. Musk would receive 1.68 million shares, or about 1 percent of the company, only after he reaches milestones for both.

GE is a ‘classic falling knife,’ says technician [CNBC]
GE's recent sell-offs have only confirmed what Wald and Oppenheimer have sensed for some time. Oppenheimer has kept a sell rating on GE shares since February, and GE's share price has nearly halved in that time.
This year's losses add to a 45 percent decline in 2017, its worst annual performance since 2008. The stock is the worst performer on the Dow this year and is one of only four components to trade negative for the year.

Goldman Sachs Plans Geneva Reopening in Swiss Push [Bloomberg]
Goldman Sachs Group Inc. is seeking to open a representative office in Geneva, two years after effectively exiting the city, as it expands in Switzerland, according to two people familiar with the bank’s intentions.
The New York-based lender’s plan to open again for client business was submitted to Swiss financial market supervisor Finma alongside an application last year to turn Goldman Sachs’s Zurich representative office into a branch, one of the people said, asking not to be identified as the plans aren’t public.

SocGen CEO expects better market conditions in 2018 and beyond [Reuters]
Societe Generale chief executive Frederic Oudea is “very positive” about the French bank’s set-up in capital markets and expects to see better market conditions in 2018 and beyond, he told Reuters on Tuesday.
Low volatility in 2017 impacted investment bank results, but Oudea said in a TV interview that volatility could gain momentum as central banks start to exit accommodative monetary policies.
“I am very positive on our business model, I am very positive on the set up we have,” said Oudea, speaking on the sidelines of the Davos business summit, when asked if trends for fixed income and equities trading could change this year.

Man poses with huge crocodile - but everyone is distracted by something very rude [Mirror]
He was put into the glass 'Cage of Death' at Australia's Crocosaurus Cove, which was then lowered into the croc's tank.
John seemed to love the experience, and was soon smiling and posing for photos with the huge creature.
But his nephew spotted something a tad embarrassing.
Understandably distracted by the crocodile, John hadn't noticed that his private parts had popped out of his swimming shorts and were on display for everyone to see.



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Opening Bell: 9.29.17

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Opening Bell: 1.5.17

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(Getty Images)

Opening Bell 8.7.17

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(Getty Images)

Opening Bell: 11.17.17

Morgan Stanley is walloping Goldman in commodities; Elon Musk rolls out a(n allegedly) very fast car; robot backflips; and more.


Opening Bell: 2.9.18

Shutdown over fast; Global stocks still getting hammered; Brexit still a mess; Florid woman mercy flushes emotional support hamster; and more!

By Heisenberg Media (Flickr: Elon Musk - The Summit 2013) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Opening Bell: 8.16.16

Investors dip toes back in Iraq; Elon Musk can't top setting lofty goals, failing to achieve them; Cops say woman repeatedly kicked boyfriend in face after he refused to have sex with her; and more.

Photo: Michael Vadon [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Opening Bell: 7.11.16

Wharton students vs Trump; EU banks need $166 billion; Musk working on "secret master plan"; Canadian man uses drone to wax his leg hair; and more.