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The Crypto Craze Will End In A Bloody, Endless Nerd Civil War

Hackers vs gamers, oh my!
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I guess if you’re going to watch as untold millions in digital wealth disappears into cyberspace, there are worse places to do it than relaxing on a 1,020-foot-long ship parked off Paradise Beach in Phuket.

Although cryptocurrencies have recouped some of the losses seen earlier in the week, the last five days have been a rollercoaster ride even by crypto standards. At one point, Bitcoin plunged below $9,000 depending on where you get your quotes. For its part, Ripple fell below $0.90 at the lows.

From the time things started to go awry on Monday to the lows on Tuesday, something like $250 billion in “wealth” was destroyed based on the most widely-used figure for total cryptocurrency market cap available at

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But that didn’t spoil the mood for the 600-ish crypto “enthusiasts” who on Monday embarked from Singapore on a two-day “Blockchain Cruise”, that by Wednesday found everyone relaxing on a private beach in Thailand. Here’s the actual ship:

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According to Bloomberg’s account, the motley crew assembled for this joke of a jaunt through the Malacca Strait was comprised mostly of “young men” sporting “‘Buy The Dip’ t-shirts” and was set against a background of “Bitcoin-themed rap music”.

So basically, it was a sausage fest of former gamers who, by virtue of having traded in their Call of Duty habit for cryptocurrency trading, are now rich on paper and maybe not virgins anymore.

The choice of intoxicant seems to reflect the composition of the crowd. Here’s Bloomberg describing the scene as Bitcoin careened lower by 21%:

But if anyone was fazed, they didn’t show it. The party rolled on as the sangria and Red Bull flowed.

Got that? Sangria and Red Bull. I’ve seen harder drinking at a Bachelorette party (don’t ask me what I was doing at a Bachelorette party).

Of course this tribute to the blockchain gods wouldn’t have been complete without a cartoonish list of speakers that included Ronnie Moas, a self-styled “analyst” who runs a one-man research shop out of Miami beach, seen below doing his best Uncle Fester impression while ostensibly explaining something in front a fire extinguisher, which he’ll need to put out the flames when his Bitcoin $300,00 thesis crashes and burns:

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If you follow this space, you’re invariably wondering whether John McAfee was there and the answer is “fuck yes, John McAfee was there”. In fact, he was “the biggest draw.”

That makes all kinds of sense and not just because John is one of the most recognizable faces in the cryptoverse. I mean think about it. If you were getting murdered on red sangria off the coast of an island, who better to hang out with than a guy who was never arrested or charged in connection with murdering someone on an island, right?

Here’s Bloomberg again:

On Wednesday, McAfee blamed the recent market slump on unfounded fear of government intervention. He urged cryptocurrency holders -- one of whom sported a “Buy The Dip” t-shirt -- to stick with their bets.

Got that? Just “stick with those bets” because if you don’t, well then you might not be invited to the third annual “Blockchain Cruise” which, if we have too many more weeks like the one we just had, will have to be downgraded to a riverboat gambling tour on the Mississippi.