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David Tepper Contemplating Unconscionable Act Of Betrayal

He’ll never be able to go home again if he buys the Carolina Panthers.
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A Patriots fan owns the team that just denied the Patriots their sixth Super Bowl title. Derek Jeter owns the Miami Marlins, and is running the team much more like the Miami Marlins than the Yankees with which he made his fame and fortune. (And why not? After all, he and his partners bought them from a Yankees fan who presided over the Marlins’ 2003 World Series victory against said Yankees, of which he was a minority owner before buying the Montreal Expos—remember them?—which he sold to his fellow owners for scrap so he could buy the Marlins from St. Louis Cardinals fan and fellow former Yankees limited partner John Henry, who in turn bought the Red Sox, who proceeded to beat his beloved Cardinals in the 2004 World Series.) This is all par for the course: exceedingly rich white men have always enjoyed a certain level of shamelessness, especially vis-a-vis the sports teams they own, and with their most shameless peer now running things, it hasn’t gotten better. Plus, there are only 32 seats in the richest and fanciest club around, the National Football League Board of Governors, and they don’t come up for sale all that often. So when one of your friends buys your favorite team and another becomes available a few months later, if you’re Jeffery Lurie, you jump at the chance, even if that chance is with a fan base that hates and physically assaults Santa Claus.


Still, this news about the Carolina Panthers' potential new owner is a little hard to take.

Billionaire hedge fund manager and philanthropist David Tepper is considered a strong contender to purchase the team, a high-ranking team executive with knowledge of the process told NFL Network's Mike Garafolo. Another source informed of the discussions so far also reiterated to Garafolo that Tepper is a strong contender, going so far as to label him the "leader in the clubhouse."

There are many reasons to be unhappy about this, such as the fact that the only reason the Panthers are for sale is that their 80-something-year-old owner was outed as a racist and misogynist, and it’s a bit unseemly to turn around and hand them to a man who decorates his office with oversized brass testicles and throws around breast implants for fun. More importantly, however, David Tepper is one of the Yinziest Yinzers to ever emerge from the Allegheny River valley, and is certainly the Yinziest Yinzer with a net worth in the billions. This man achieved his dream a few years back when his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers were in a bit of a money bind and he bought a 5% stake in them. Sure, the Rooneys will never sell their majority stake, but David Tepper bleeds black and gold, and now he’s just gonna drop the Steel Curtain like he dropped New Jersey? At the risk of asking a question we’ve already answered, have you no shame, sir? Have you no sense of decency? And are you pushing for Mike Tomlin to get canned so you can hire him in Charlotte?

David Tepper a strong contender to purchase Panthers [NFL]



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