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Lured By Yacht Promise, E*Traders Opened 64,581 New Brokerage Accounts In January

The dumbest guy from a lot of high schools just opened and E*Trade account.



By Saying No To Treasury Gig, Jamie Dimon Is Only Making Donald Trump Want Him More

The #DraftDimon movement has entered its high school sex comedy phase.


Teenage Futures Trader Being Threatened By Thugs In Cargo Shorts, AKA Regulators

Jacob and David Wohl are the most entertaining father/son duo in managed futures.

Feds Endanger Space Time Continuum By Arresting Futures Trader in 2015 For Crime Perpetrated in 2010

If a man who trades futures in 2015 is arrested for a crime he might have committed five years ago, does Marty McFly's hand start to disappear?

Russell Wasendorf Didn't Mean "I have embezzled millions of dollars from Customer accounts at Peregrine Financial" In A Literal Sense

Remember Russell Wasendorf? CEO of collapsed brokerage firm Peregrine Financial Group? Dirty blonde hair, about yea high? Opened his (attempted) suicide note with the words "I have committed fraud" and then went on to detail said fraud, writing: "Through a scheme of using false bank statements I have been able to embezzle millions of dollars from customer accounts at Peregrine Financial Group, Inc. The forgeries started nearly twenty years ago and have gone undetected until now. I was able to conceal my crime of forgery by being the sole individual with access to the US Bank accounts held by PFG. No one else in the company ever saw an actual US Bank statement.The Bank statements were always delivered directly to me when they arrived in the mail. I made counterfeit statements within a few hours of receiving the actual statements and gave the forgeries to the accounting department.” Using a combination of Photo Shop, Excel, scanners, and both laser and ink jet printers I was able to make very convincing forgeries of nearing every document that came from the Bank. I could create forgeries very quickly so no one suspected that my forgeries were not the real thing that had just arrived in the mail." ...apparently he was just kidding about all that and/or intended it to be read in more of an If I Did It style. The chief executive of Peregrine Financial Group Inc. on Friday pleaded not guilty to all 31 charges he faced of misleading federal market authorities as part of a long-running alleged fraud. Russell Wasendorf Sr., the head of the collapsed U.S. futures and currency brokerage, was formally charged this past week with 31 counts of misleading regulators, offenses that carry a maximum sentence of 155 years. It is one of the heaviest penalties sought in the wake of the last financial crisis. No further questions. Peregrine's Wasendorf Pleads Not Guilty [WSJ]