In the flood of Gary Cohn hot-takes that overwhelmed us yesterday [and we 'loved' all of your "He hates tariffs more than Nazis" quips because who can resist nuanced originality?] we almost missed out on a beautiful little moment of Cohn-related absurdist improv comedy created by Max Abelson of Bloomberg.
Since everyone else was looking at why Gary finally escaped the White House or who would replace him in the gilded cage at the NEC, Abelson focused instead on what should be next for Gary himself, and he asked a handful of business types to offer their opinions. This experiment yielded a not-so-subtle diss from Bob Diamond ("I don’t mean this in a negative way -- he’s more of an operating guy than a visionary.") a self-serving fantasy from Kathy Wylde that Gary build a fintech unicorn in Bushwick or something, and a polite version of "Fuck Gary" from Tom Nides.
But the coup de grâce of Abelson's piece is this surrealist moment of true art:
Angelo Mozilo, former CEO of subprime lender Countrywide Financial Corp.:
“He should set up his own organization, be it a foundation or some sort of entity, where he can go out and impart his knowledge and his experiences, so that young people can understand the fantastic opportunities there are here in America.”
That is Angelo Mozilo taking time off from his shame-driven public silence to offer Gary Cohn career advice and praise the country that allows guys like Angelo to succeed and thrive and avoid prison. The mere existence of this moment feels like another thing to put in "The 2018 Time Capsule of Insane Batshittery."
But we would also like if Max Abelson could get a sense of what Dick Fuld or Vikram Pandit think Rob Porter should do with all of his free time.