Skip to main content

Mumps Outbreak On Trading Floor Has Goldman Sachs Traders Wondering Which Of The Seven Seals This One Is

It's either "Boils" or "Diseased livestock," cuz the "Frogs" thing already happened.

We knew things have been less-than-stellar over on the Goldman Sachs trading floor recently, but it's apparently even worse than we thought...


Per Business Insider:

Goldman Sachs is battling to contain a rare but contagious flare-up of mumps after a few employees contracted the disease.
Employees on one of its trading floors showed signs of the disease this week and the firm told people to get shots or visit the firm's health center if they didn't receive the vaccine during childhood, according to a person with knowledge of the matter who asked to remain anonymous discussing internal conditions.

Containing this mumps outbreak almost certainly falls on the shoulders of COO David Solomon, so you know what that means: Morning rave on the GS trading floor y'all [air horn sound] DJ D-SOL on the ones and twos, no shirt sleeves, phat beats, foam machines, and EVERYBODY...GETS...VACCINATED!

That sound you hear is Jim Gorman running around the Morgan Stanley trading floor stabbing people with MMR vaccines.

And we just wanna say it, no one at Goldman had mumps before it started trading cryptos...

Goldman Sachs is battling to contain an outbreak of mumps on the trading floor [BI]



Goldman Sachs Is Definitely Not Not Staffing Up A Crypto Desk

David Solomon's hipster eden at 200 West Street is coming into clearer focus.


Lloyd Blankfein Decides It Takes Two Men To Replace One Gary Cohn

The President job at Goldman Sachs is now the hottest Thunderdome on Wall Street.


Slumping Goldman Sachs Trading Desk Now Rallying Around The Best Dumb Motto In The History Of Finance

#JustAddButter is the kind of dumb silly shit that we want to see more of from Goldman Sachs.