Spotify Is Truly The First Millennial IPO

It's like public and worth billions, or whatever. Who cares?
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Today marks Spotify's entrance into life as a publicly-traded company, and how things go might very well dictate what the IPO market looks like going forward...blah blah blah.

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Listen, this whole direct listing thing is definitely making Wall Street's butthole clench, and the hot-takes will be flying in at least one direction when we figure out what this company is actually worth because this is a fun new exercise in bullshit. But until then let's step back and admire this whole thing for the zeitgeist-ian work of art that it really is; Spotify is about to unleash the first authentically Millennial IPO.

This thing is perfection. By shading the traditional structure of hiring Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley to parade their unprofitable business model to a bunch of thirsty rubes, Spotify has essentially looked lame old Uncle Wall Street and moaned "Can I LIVE?!." Even better, no one from the company has reportedly shown up to stand next to Tom Farley and smile like a giddy asshole who just got richer than they ever dreamed.

Essentially, Spotify is sitting in a Bluestone Lane coffee shop two blocks from NYSE right now wearing ripped black skinny jeans, an ironic Justin Beiber t-shirt and a huge floppy hat, smoking a vape pen, drinking a flat white and muttering to a friend "I just, like, went public...or whatever." And don't dare ask how much money it made, because that is most definitely a micro-aggression.

And as of right now, it looks to be working. SPOT just hit the market at $169.50 a share giving it a real-life valuation of $29.5 billion. So we now have the Millennial trinity: Disrupting accepted norms, practiced apathy and wild over-valuation.

So if you're one of the people that just bid in on SPOT, please be aware that you essentially just paid through the nose for shares in that haughty douchebag nephew you hate talking to at the holidays. But you also have to hand it to Spotify, because at no point did this company pretend to be anything that it wasn't, and in this version of reality, that feels like a small miracle.

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