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Guy Who Shot Car Into Space While Customers Waited For Cars They Already Paid For Wants To Rank The Media's Credibility

It might be time to shut the fuck up for a minute, Elon.

You can't make this up.


The most famous overpromiser/under-deliverer in American manufacturing history has officially decided that he will only accept the kind of fawning press coverage afforded to young white dudes on the ascent inside the media bubble of Silicon Valley.

Elon Musk - who is sitting on a massive production backlog of luxury electric cars that customers have paid for while he builds space rockets, high speed tunnels, solar panels and fucking flamethrowers - has torn a page out of the "Fake News" handbook and declared his own version of war on the American free press. In his latest Twitter rant, Musk took aim at "The Media" for providing negative coverage to Tesla, his car company that has consistently failed to make cars.

Quoth the Elon:

Elon then decided to get into Twitter disputes with journalists who defended the press and even invoked the patron saint of First Amendment haters, President Donald Trump:

And Elon wasn't done there, [because nothing gets him going more than an excuse to not make cars] he went on to propose what seemed like an off-the-cuff idea that mixes silencing the press with good old-fashioned Muskian entrepreneurism...but this is Elon Musk we're talking about so of course the whole thing was bizarrely premeditated:

Before you start wondering if he'll "go through with it," let us put your mind at ease and assure you that he almost certainly already has.

Pravda will launch in a few days and Elon will promote it via every weapon at his disposal, and then he'll get back to The Boring Company and/or SpaceX and then probably pivot to something else, all the while using Pravda as his new scrim of bullshit between his unrivaled ability as salesman/entertainer/businessman and the sad reality that he is unable to manufacture electric cars at the scale he claims he can.

Even his most vocal fanboys have lately begun to realize that there is chasm between what Elon is selling and what Elon can make. Elon's dream machine was always going to have to reckon with reality, and his burn runway on horseshit has shortened considerably in recent months. It now seems almost inevitable that his newest distraction from fixing Tesla would be a war with the press that keeps pointing out his human flaws. Like maybe don't tell us that you don't know when you're at an orgy?

Elon Musk is a transformational figure in American business. No one can really dispute this fact. He's basically what would have happened if Thomas Edison fucked Henry Ford in 1970 and they gave the baby to Steve Jobs to raise. His imprint on our culture could turn out to be massive, but he could also turn out to be a massive disappointment. Like Edison, Ford and Jobs, Elon is a spectacular asshole with an ego that sometimes seems to border on maniacal. Attacking the free press that created him via countless ridiculously obsequious profiles is not just dumb, it's dangerously dumb.

No one gets to be the hero all the time. That's not how this shit works. Can news websites sometimes turn snarkily cruel and unfair? Ummm, yeah! Can it be annoying and borderline unfair? You bet your ass it can! Should a billionaire playboy futurist fight them on their own level? Are you fucking nuts, bro?

If Elon really wants to get more of the sycophantic press coverage for which he seems so bitchily thirsty, he should go make all those cars that all those people already overpaid him for and cut out the rest of his Tony Stark-wannabe bullshit. The press wants to love Elon Musk, but love is hard and relationships go through rough patches, especially when one person lies about being able to make thousands of electric cars says he paid the gas bill when he didn't.

But until then, he really needs to drop this "Fake News" crusade because nothing has ever looked more primed to backfire [well , other than a newly-made Tesla or a Boring Company flamethrower] than a media darling building a tool to fight the media. After all, nothing says "credible" like a guy ranking the free press while cashing checks for things that he can't produce.



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