Wells Fargo Agreeing To A Half Billion Dollar Settlement Doesn't Even Get Us Half Excited Anymore

You've broken us, Tim Sloan.

It used to be that news like this would send us into a Friday evening feeling warm and turgid with big bank schadenfreude...

Wells Fargo.Insane

Wells Fargo & Co. agreed to pay $480 million to settle a class-action lawsuit in which investors accused the bank of securities fraud related to its fake-account scandal.

But in this modern news hellscape of constant darkness, Wells Fargo paying just under half a billion dollars to settle a civil action doesn't just fail to arouse us, it makes us literally yawn. In fact, Wells Fargo even appears to just be going through the motions of languidly whimpering "Oh, ouch...that hurts" four hundred and eighty million times...

The bank had previously set aside reserves for the settlement, according to a regulatory filing Friday. 

It's hard to get the thickening over a quiet $480 million when we've grown so inured to Wells Fargo paying out filthily large fines over behavior so sleazy and obscene, or watched its former CEO get sadistically manhandled by a brutal Senate. In fact, Wells Fargo's perversely wicked behavior in recent months seems to have altered our perception of how to interact with normal, vanilla banking fines.

But when Wells just breaks the fourth wall and admits that it's basically just accounting for these kind of bawdy legal pay outs? Well, that's the kind of jejune behavior that makes us want to roll over and watch Netflix.

Wells Fargo Reaches $480 Million Settlement in Class-Action Suit [Bloomberg]