Winter Came And Appears to Be Sticking Around J.C. Penney

Retail is dark and full of terrors.
Author:
Updated:
Original:

J.C. Penney can attribute its low sales during Q1 to cold weather, but as sunshine spreads across the East Coast, a rain/hail/snow cloud continues to loom over the once great department store. Online retail sales have been hacking away at their profits for months, but a Tyson-esque blow was delivered as Lowe's came in hot this morning with a haymaker right to the face of J.C. Penney by announcing they had ripped CEO, Marvin Ellison, from the near-lifeless body of the department store.

JC Penney Whit walker

J.C. Penney Co. slumped after Chief Executive Officer Marvin Ellison abruptly resigned to take the top job at home-improvement retailer Lowe’s Cos.

J.C. Penney, the Derrick Rose of department stores, has undergone plenty of change in an attempt to fill their former shell, but Ellison's departure is not looking good for J.C. Penney's long-term recovery, similar to Rose signing with the New York Knicks back in 2016. Honestly, who can blame Ellison? He's had to work at $JCP since 2014 and that's more than enough to shake the sanity of anyone or anything. And yet his early exit has stunted growth as $JCP fell in the pre-market hours of the morning.

The past twelve months have been tumultuous for J.C. Penney to say the least, and they will most likely continue to blame the weather for bad sales despite the fact that other retailers were able to string together success without a magical weather bubble to protect their stores. $JCP may need to invest in a weather bubble if they want to survive the lingering after-effect of the polar vortex that is the crux of their lackluster retail performance. Lowe's, a company made up of handymen, has some contraption stored away that granted them immunity from the Napoleonic crusader that we call the polar vortex.

Ellison's shift to Lowe's puts him in a familiar place. He spent twelve years as an executive at Home Depot, currently the largest home improvement retailer in the world, but he looks to position Lowe's favorably against its biggest competitor. This means he may have some ideas about where Arthur Blank has scattered his Horcruxes across the state of Georgia. If Ellison is able to get a hold of these them, he may claim the throne as the King of Tools, and even more importantly perhaps he can also own a very disappointing sports franchise.

Also, please send all things intern related, Wall Street or not, tothad@dealbreaker.com. I brought in a brown bag lunch today and Thornton made fun of me for my mediocre lunch. Now I have to eat in shame like a sad dog.

J.C. Penney Slumps After CEO Ellison Leaves for Lowes [Bloomberg]

Related

CFA Police: "The Candidate Was Moving His Hat And Hands Around Using What Appeared To Be Signals"

Yesterday, at approximately 10:30AM, scores of financial services employees breathed a collective sigh of relief. Relief that months of studying had paid off in the form of a passing score on the Level II and II CFA exams. Relief that, even though months of studying had been a total waste of time with nothing to show for it, they could get on with their lives and stop wondering. One guy was less lucky. He's in a CFA holding cell right now pending an investigation, thanks to some supposedly suspect fidgeting and a couple proctors with itchy trigger fingers, possibly hoping to impress their superiors. According to the suspect, "No one has ever accused me of having a nervous tic or cheating before...I don't understand how you could honestly mistake my, admittedly strange, gestures as signaling to an unknown accomplice."