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As Tariffs Ramp Up, Young Robinhood Investors Wheep

The rare, legitimate Millennial complaint.

For those of you that don't keep up with millennial investing trends, Robinhood is a no-fees trading app that allows young investors to put money into stocks, ETFs, or cryptocurrency (aka the future of currency). Robinhood, perfectly suited for millennials, is free, easy to use, and encourages us to invest after researching the bare minimum amount of information we need to convince ourselves that we are making good investments.

After spending an entire year making stock picks based on Twitter rumors and Instagram hashtags, many Wall Street wannabes like myself are making solid returns on their investments. And in an age where many millennials are avoiding the market, it's refreshing to see that some are making strategic moves to increase their wealth.

Oh, wait? What was that?

Oh, more tariffs.

Let me check my app.

Aaaaannnnndddd my returns are gone.

The market has made gains throughout his tenure as POTUS, and unemployment has fallen to an all-time low. However, this doesn't change the fact at any moment, Trump's tariffs can send the Dow spinning out of control quicker than your friend, John, that hit the dab pen way too hard after roughly nine whiskey sours. And just like your friend's bender, the ride up is pretty great. Don't get me wrong there were some bumps along the way. Jenn got mad that he was texting Katie and poured a drink on him. He had to pull trig in the bathroom after Sean bought him that tequila shot, but he rallied like the John we know and love. Then he hits the pen. Before he hit that pen, the consensus was that the night was one to be remembered for the right reasons. And in one foul swoop, it all comes crashing down.

Donald Trump has made appeals to young voters on the promise that he is going to fix the economy and, "Make America Great Again", but he seems to enjoy shattering our ambitions more than we enjoy complaining about student loans and retweeting memes after a celebrity death. We ate these promises up like some avocado toast, but instead of achieving ketosis, we're suffering through Montezuma's revenge.

Professionals tell us that we need to cut out the weekend bottle service and put that money into stocks, but on days like this, I'm starting to believe that the ungodly headache and bloodshot eyes have every Saturday morning are a better return on investment than what I have gotten out of Robinhood.

Markets Begin to Take Threat of Trade War Seriously [WSJ]



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