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Behold, The Ultimate Wall Street Summer Dance Video

We mashed up Ray Dalio's "Principles" cartoon with DJ D-Sol's new EDM single because...we're dead inside.

With summer suddenly upon us, it's easy to forget that this is the season to breathe, refresh and embrace the bodyrockingest of beats!


Summer is about partying, you desk jockey mofos! Yeah, you gotta collect that cheddar by gettin swole on them deals/trades/sales/felonies, but you also need to let it all out. On Wall Street, this can be a tough emotional chasm to bridge. How do you keep it 100 at the office while also enjoying the best that summer nightlife has to offer?

Well, we're just gonna say "You're welcome."

Wall Street's latest bro bible, Ray Dalio's "Principles" has recently been released in a new, cartoon movie form. We won't review the whole thing here, but suffice it to say that it is a beautifully produced work of animation that, thanks to Ray's narration, is the closest we will ever come to sharing a hefty bag of 'Shrooms with Dalio himself before wandering the Woods of Westport as he drones on about success. It's a masterpiece of psychedelic art masquerading as a self-help video.

But Ray's not the only bold-faced name in finance dropping the fruits of his artistic side hustle on us this month. It turns out that the most powerful EDM DJ on earth has released his first single on iTunes. DJ D-Sol's "Don't Stop" is available for purchase and after a dozen listens, we can say with certainty that Goldman Sachs CEO-in-waiting David Solomon has artistically revealed what Fleetwood Mac would have sounded like if their mountains of cocaine had been switched out with mountains of powdered amphetamines before 1974.

What we have here are two things that make almost no sense existing on their own. Are they dope? Verily. Are they necessary? Not even notionally.

But what if some genius put them together? What if an angel came down from the heavens and merged the wisdom of the world's greatest hedge fund manager with the sick ass beatz of the man about to become the world's most darkly powerful banker?

The kids call it a "mashup" but we just call it "Don't Stop Remix 2.0 - DJ D-Sol feat. Ray Dalio"

So take whatever pill is on your desk, grab an intern to dance with/educate and hit play!




Behold, DJ D-Sol Putting Dropping A Beat And Putting A Cap In Summer's Ass

Back to work, Goldmanites, your new leader just killed Summer...on the ones and twos.


Area EDM DJ Falls Prey To Wine Thief

David "DJ D-SOL" Solomon seems to have lost control of his 1,000 wine room.


David Solomon DJ'ed In The Hamptons And Made All The Young Finance Types Horny, Reports Bloomberg

A lot of babies will be born at Lenox Hill in about 10 months bearing the middle name "D-Sol."

A Wildebeest Leaves New York Traveling North At 10 MPH. A Hyena Leaves Westport Traveling South At 15MPH. At What Time Does The Wildebeest Get Eaten?

As many of you know, Bridgewater Associates is mega-successful, multi-billion dollar hedge fund guided by Principles, a company handbook written by founder and Mentor Ray Dalio, which instructs employees to go on radical truth seeking missions in order to better themselves and in turn the firm. Bridgewater takes the principles very seriously and each member of the staff is given spiral bound copies to read, highlight, and imbue their souls with. While the idea of Truth above all else is the overarching idea, there are literally hundreds of principles (such as 31a. "Ask yourself whether you have earned the right to have an opinion," 130. "...Firing people is not a big deal..." and 184. "Use checklists") which span 123 pages and are broken down into outline form after being explained at length. Though familiarity with them has always been an essential part of the job, there has never been formal test determining that all employees met the required level of efficiency. Until now. Apparently the firm has notified employees that there will be an exam on the material, which has resulted in people carrying around their copies and studying whenever they can, particularly on the bus ride from Manhattan to Wesport and back. No date has been announced but it will be administered online à la one of those mandatory HR quizzes that won't let you skip forward. According to proctors, Bridgewater simply wants to use the test as an opportunity to asses what people know, how they're interpreting the principles, and what requires further elucidation. It's unclear what the penalty for failing will be but remedial Principles classes seem obvious. Because we would hate to see any of you have to stay after school, we've highlighted what is most likely to be covered-- feel free to print these out and add to your study guide. ********************************************* ********************************************* ********************************************* ********************************************* ********************************************* ********************************************* ********************************************* Principles [Bridgewater]   essential     (which expects the staff to “probe” each other regularly, no matter one’s rank, in order to foster openness and meritocracy).