Real-Life Human Woman Actively Choosing To Do Sex With Bill Ackman Instead Of Brad Pitt

2018 is the year of Ackman!
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Back in April, PageSix reported that Brad Pitt was looking to do sex on a super-pretty MIT professor named Neri Oxman. The media was quite taken with this narrative as it played perfectly into the adolescently simplistic narrative of "Mega-Hunk Falls for Pretty Nerd," a nuance-free take on complex human emotions that is catnip for people desperate to believe that real life can mimic a John Hughes script.

Ackman.Pitt

A source exclusively confirms that architecture and design aficionado Pitt recently met accomplished Oxman through an MIT architecture project and they have since become friends. Pitt was referred to Oxman to collaborate on an architectural project he was working on, we’re told.
As first revealed on “Page Six TV,” a source told us, “Brad and Neri instantly hit it off because they share the same passion for architecture, design and art. This is best described as a professional friendship.”
But the source added, “Their friendship has not turned into romance … as both are cautious and this is, again, more of a professional friendship, but Brad is very interested in spending more time with Neri, she is fascinating.”

We here are dealbreaker dot com however found this story to be a gothic tragedy and have spent the last few weeks trying to ignore and curse this flirtation.

You see, every absurd romantic comedy plot needs a Baxter, and in this telling of the tale, the Baxter was reportedly none other than Dealbreaker Patron Saint of Pain, William Ackman. According to that April report, Oxman was dating our boy Bill...

But Pitt may have a challenge on his hands — multiple sources also confirm to Page Six that Oxman has recently been dating billionaire activist investor Bill Ackman, 51.
New York-based Ackman — who has been battling to reassure investors of his hedge fund Pershing Square after losses — has been seeing Oxman for seven months, we are told.

These words cut us deep back in April. We went so far as to ignore commenting on it because even we felt that Bill has dealt with enough shit in the last two years that he doesn't need to be the Bill Pullman role in a movie about a mousey professor letting her hair down, taking her glasses off, realizing she's crazy hot and then dumping Bill Pullman for, well, Brad Pitt.

We hoped for the best, but we also had to face the reality that a human woman who we can only assume is not legally blind was being presented with the choices of Bill Ackman and Brad Pitt. Our heart was heavy.

But today, a shining ray of hope and light from PagesSix!

Rock-star MIT professor Neri Oxman — who was reportedly being wooed by Brad Pitt — is still going strong with billionaire hedge funder Bill Ackman.

What what what?! Ackman over Pitt? You are a fascinating lady, Neri Oxman. And maybe you're also a muse. After all, Pershing Square's May was the best performance that Ackman has laid down in many moons and he's cashing out his personal investments to show everyone how ride-or-die he's feeling.

This newfound confidence cannot be unrelated to the knowledge that you're cockblocking Tyler Durden himself. Bill Ackman is not coming back...Bill Ackman is fucking BACK and hotter than ever.

We love this story, and we cannot wait to read PageSix in a few weeks and learn about Carl Icahn's angry, desperate attempts to spitefully seduce Neri Oxman,

Brad Pitt spending time with rockstar MIT professor [PageSix]
Brad Pitt’s MIT crush still going strong with billionaire hedge funder Bill Ackman [PageSix]

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