The World Is So Upside Down That We're Inviting You To A Charity Event

Something so objectively reprehensible is happening that we're doing charity fundraiser...yeah, we can't believe it either.
Author:
Updated:
Original:

Say what you will about us goons here at Dealbreakerdotcom, but we've never been accused of being bleeding heart media types hitting you up for a charity or whatever. We're a different kind of asshole.

Screen Shot 2018-06-21 at 2.35.43 PM

But let's be honest, what we've seen down at America's southern border in recent weeks is the kind of human darkness that makes us all feel pretty gnarly in that place inside us where our souls should be. Regardless of your politics (or whatever the fuck Lloyd Blankfein was trying to say the other day), the imagery of little children being torn from their parents by American government workers is a truly sickening deal. A humanitarian violation that even a Goldman Sachs trader buying Venezuelan bonds must look at and think "That just ain't right."

We're not going to wade into the immigration debate here, it's a deeply complex policy nightmare that has myriad systemic and contentious effects on our economy and our way of life. Opinions on both sides of the argument over our borders are relevant and worthy of being listened to. What we are going to say though is that separating toddlers from parents just to make a political point and create a fühere furor that further divides an already dangerously divided nation is the kind of tactically inchoate self-serving reprehensible horseshit that...well...you guys are usually known for.

The images coming from our borders, the stories accompanying them and the lasting damage to the children taken and dispersed across our country aren't just deeply troubling in the short term, they are almost certain to echo down for decades as these kids grow up and the world hears them tell their stories. We live in a global reality, no one knows that better than you clowns, and mistakes like this are not just bad for diplomacy, they're bad for business. Outrages like this are designed to force the economies of the world apart, and while we're not so naive to think that this is enough to do it, haven't we learned that this White House is not great at learning from its mistakes? And we're probably about to learn that Wilbur Ross was long a few Cypriot baby cage manufacturing stocks on his RobinHood app.

So here's what we're gonna do: In conjunction with our sister sites Above the Law and Fashionista, we're hosting a charity fundraiser next Tuesday here in NYC. It's a $20 door fee and we're going to auction off some pretty cool shit. There will be a panel discussion with some interesting people who might get a word in edgewise past our moderator. You might even learn that you enjoy giving to good causes. At the very least you might hook up with one of the attractive fashion people that Fashionista invites (we won't make you interact with the lawyers).

Bottom line, we've encountered something so deeply morally fucked that Dealbreaker is doing charity. Doesn't that say it all?

Outrage and Activism: A Panel Fundraiser to Support Kids in Need of Defense

And as a bonus, the first Dealbreaker reader to prove to us on Twitter that you've bought a ticket gets to give a Noogie to Thad the Intern upon arrival at the event. We hope to see you there.

Related