Steve Mnuchin's Latest Economic Projections Demonstrate Why He Couldn't Make It At Goldman Sachs Even Though He Was Bob Mnuchin's Kid

The Treasury Secretary looks at future GDP growth, sees a Lisa Frank poster.

Psst, you guys want to hear what a top government official in waaaaaaay over his head sounds like?


Take it away, Fox News:

"We can only project a couple of years into the future, but I think we're well on this path for several years, so I don’t think this is a one- or two-year phenomenon," Mnuchin said. "I think we definitely are in a period of four or five years of sustained 3 percent growth at least."

Remember when Treasury Secretaries used to be boring and agonizingly vague? It was fun, right? Before Bob Rubin became a centrist sex symbol and Larry Summers forced his way into our lives? Even Hank Paulson managed to make "Exhaustion" his most notable personality trait.

But Mnuchin is just so thirsty to sound wise and loyal that he says shit like this out loud on the TV. This fucking guy just cannot figure out how to shut up and let us forget that he's the Forrest Gump of modern finance. No one has ever failed upwards in more spectacular fashion than Stevie Mnooks, but this gig feels increasingly certain to be his Waterloo.

Even if he truly believes that the US economy is a unicorn running up a rainbow farting cotton candy whilst being fellated by a half-naked Larry Kudlow, he needs to keep those feelings on the inside. We're not saying that he's wrong, or that he shouldn't speak confidently of a clearly strong US economy. We are saying that he should definitely stop trying to fluff the bottomless pit of need who made him Treasury Secretary by musing that GDP will strain the constraints of believable expansion for years to come. A lot can happen in five years and he'll have signed his own death warrant if everything implodes because rising rates curb growth, equities prove to be overinflated or Larry Kudlow's jaw gets tired.

It's just dumb. He even admits that it's dumb in the same quote, but he still plows ahead. And "definitely"?! Really, Steve? Really? The last time a Treasury Secretary said definitely with any real certainty was when Paul O'Neill muttered: "I'm definitely getting fired by these fucking people." Steve Mnuchin shouldn't be certain of anything. In fact, it's his greatest skill. Not knowing what the fuck is going on is basically his personal brand.

And before anyone gets their nuts in a bunch about "politics," we'd be annoyed by this patently faux confidence coming from any administration. But it does rankle harder in an administration built to stroke one particular ego that makes us listen to long-term economic predictions from the same fucking guy who threw a producer credit on that CHiPs movie reboot.