Here's the good news:
William Ackman’s publicly traded hedge fund is outperforming the broader stock market this year, fueled by rising prices at Chipotle Mexican Grill and Automatic Data Processing Inc, the billionaire investor said on Thursday.
“While a few months of strong performance is too short a period to judge our performance, we believe that (Pershing Square Holdings) is back on track,” Ackman wrote in his firm’s interim financial report. Pershing Square Holdings is up 12.7 percent this year through Aug. 7.
Ackman is back...man! Fueled by some solid new ideas and the knowledge that his raw sexuality is scientifically proven to be more potent than Brad Pitt's, Billy Acks is generating the kind of returns that he has always assumed he deserved to generate. Freed from the shackles of his dark obsession with Herbalife and the holistic torture that it wreaked on his life, Ackman is now doing what he perhaps does best; taking big positions in public companies, publicizing his stake, pumping the stock and then annoying everyone at said company to listen to his ideas.
All it took was some clear thinkin' and good lovin' for Bill to overcome his debilitating case of Ackmania.
But here's the bad news; that shit's contagious...
That's David Einhorn tweeting at Elon Musk about a bunch of actual short shorts that his antagonist sent him as a vicious taunt for remaining short Tesla and watching his fund get crushed as Musk behaves like a man outside logic or regulatory law, pounding Einhorn deeper and deeper into a hole of his own stubborn making. And we won't let him say that we didn't warn him.
Yet here's Einhorn, glibly firing back on social media while the SEC launches an investigation into Tesla that will almost certainly yield nothing except confusion and batshit Ross Gelber tweets. Einhorn will earn back just enough in value and confidence to stick to his guns, continue anlayzing Tesla like a company and not a cult, get crushed when the stock bounces after the SEC gives up and then get absolutely decimated when the Saudis write Elon a blank check to take Tesla private.
And then we'll have no choice but to reclassify this disorder from "Ackmania" to "Einchosis."