Skip to main content

JPMorgan's Unveils Its Newest Super Weapon: Psychic Quants

Marko Kolanovic is the Nostradamus of Algorithm jockeys.

Quants aren't cool anymore. Everyone has a team of algo jockeys sitting in a dark room 20 hours a day trying to beat the market at its own game. Having quants isn't gaining edge, it's staying in the game.


You know what is cool? Psychic quants.

Sudden, severe stock sell-offs sparked by lightning-fast machines. Unprecedented actions by central banks to shore up asset prices. Social unrest not seen in the U.S. in half a century.
That's how J.P. Morgan Chase's head quant Marko Kolanovic envisions the next financial crisis. The forces that have transformed markets in the last decade, namely the rise of computerized trading and passive investing, are setting up conditions for potentially violent moves once the current bull market ends, according to a report from Kolanovic sent to the bank's clients on Tuesday.

And of course finance proto-hipster/future global emperor Jamie Dimon already has the Nostradamus of quants on the payroll:

Kolanovic, a 43-year old analyst with a PhD in theoretical physics, has risen in prominence for explaining, and occasionally predicting, how the new, algorithm-dominated stock market will behave. The current bull rally, the oldest in modern history by some measures, has been characterized by long periods of calm punctuated with spasms of selling known as flash crashes. Recent examples include a 1,600 point intraday drop in February and a 1,100 point decline in August 2015.

But while Jamie's seer-quant might not go the full "From the sky shall come a great King of terror" [that 's what we expect from Morgan Stanley's version, anyway] he is clearly prone to spit some hot psychic fire:

"They are very rapid, sharp declines in asset values with sharp increases in market volatility," Kolanovic, the bank's global head of macro quantitative and derivatives research, said in a recent interview. But those flash crashes occurred during a backdrop of a U.S. economic expansion; the new market hasn't been tested in the throes of a recession, he said.
"If you have these liquidity-driven sharp selloffs that come at the end of the cycle, or maybe even causes the end of the cycle, then I think you can have a much more significant asset price correction and even more significant increase in market volatility," Kolanovic said.

So put all your money into gold, prep your bunker and prepare your children for the violence to come, for Marko Kolanovic sees all...because that's what quants do now apparently.

JP Morgan's top quant warns next crisis will feature flash crashes and social upheaval not seen in 50 years [CNBC]



Preppy Fashion Icon Jamie Dimon Unveils New Vineyard Vines Boutique

That sound you hear is Brian Moynihan frantically calling Tommy Hilfiger.

Layoffs Watch '16: Rebellious JPMorgan Treasuries Traders

Jamie is not f@cking around with compliance these days.


Mike Mayo Doesn't Need A Job To F@ck With JPMorgan

The Van Gogh of bank trolls will not be stopped by a mere sudden lack of employment.


JPMorgan Twists The Knife In Bitcoin

First Jamie Dimon trashed it, now JPMorgan's top quant.