You laughed at Brian Moynihan. We all laughed at Brian Moynihan.
The most impotently powerful bank CEO in America has been the butt of jokes for many moons, what with his moon-faced Irish stare communicating the mien of a man bereft of hope yet incapable to stop the pain from raining down. There is a deep well of sadness in the eyes on his face, one that comes from running Bank of America when, really, Bank of America runs him.
But, as we've always feared, a darkness lies inside the broken calm exterior of BriMo. A reservoir of repressed cruelty that was bound to make itself known sooner or later, and yesterday...it finally did.
Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan said that the adoption of technology at the second-biggest U.S. lender has allowed him to cut 100,000 workers in less than a decade.
That's right, BriMo has fired tens of thousands of people, and he's developed a taste for it...
"The straightforward way to get people to feel it is this: We had 288,000 people when I took over as CEO on Jan 1st ," Moynihan said in a Tuesday interview with Becky Quick at CNBC's Net/Net Summit at the New York Stock Exchange.
"We had 204,000 last quarter. Step back and think about that," Moynihan said.
The man's private bloodlust knows no bounds...he even has ANALOGIES!
The reduction is "more employees than Delta has I think. All caused by the ability to apply technology to processes and capabilities, and customer behavior changed."
Oh dear Dimon, we've created a vicious monster. Years of teasing and emasculation have calcified his soul. "You think me weak?! I fired a fucking airline!"
Listen to the cold efficacy in his heart...
While cutting rank-and-file positions, Moynihan realized three years ago that they had left too many managers — about 30,000, he said. He slashed a third of those jobs in just a few years.
The pleasure he takes in these cullings can no longer be contained, the smile in his voice is the happiest we've ever heard him...
Handing out pink slips is never easy. The "worst time I ever felt as a manager in 25 years or so" was in late 2007, when the bank had to abruptly cut thousands of positions, Moynihan said.
"We realized we screwed up totally and we laid off like 10,000 people instantaneously," Moynihan said. "Plan ahead, and let attrition be your friend."
Is he sated, you ask? Is Brian Moynihan's firing bloodlust even slackened?
Well, ponder this; how do you slacken an unquenchable thirst?
During the wide-ranging interview, the 59-year old CEO said he wanted to run Bank of America for "as long as I can do it." "Warren Buffett is 87, he's having the time of his life," he said, referring to the chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway.
He's never going to stop, you guys...NEVER!