Skip to main content

HSBC Hopes You Weren’t Using Your Name, Address, Birthday, Account Numbers…

‘Cause someone else has’em now, too.
  • Author:
  • Updated:
Getty Images

Fort Knox it ain't. Getty Images

Are you American? Bank with HSBC? You might want to be a little less than 1% worried right now, because that’s how many of you are unwittingly and unwillingly sharing some pretty important info with hackers.

The lender said that the perpetrators may have accessed information including account numbers and balances, statement and transaction histories and payee details, as well as users' names, addresses and dates of birth.

Enjoy your year of credit monitoring and identity theft protection service or, I guess, next identity theft protection service. And rest assured that HSBC is very sorry and takes its “responsibility for protecting our customers very seriously.” Or at least seriously enough that this was still possible. But, you know, regrets and all. Especially if you're also a Wells Fargo customer, for how those clowns will wind up misusing your misfortune.

HSBC bank confirms US data breach [BBC]


Getty Images

HSBC Violates Your Natural/Moral/Legal/Constitutional/Biblical Right To An HSBC Bank Account While Killing HSBC Employees

It definitely says “Thou shalt not cancel my checking account in absence of a mask” in one or all of those.

Getty Images

HSBC Bankers Now Have Two Bosses To Bitch About And Plot Against

Now, maybe the bank will only be a “persistent failure” half the time.

Getty Images

HSBC Really Doesn’t Like It When Mommy And Daddy Fight

Mommy and Daddy in this case being China and the U.S.

Getty Images

HSBC Doesn’t Need One In Seven Of You, Especially If You Work In London Or The U.S.

If you’re not an HSBC employee currently worried about coronavirus, you should be worried about your job.

Getty Images

HSBC Hires Last CEO

Noel Quinn won’t be saddled with the term interim when society finally collapses in a couple of weeks.

Getty Images

HSBC Encouraging Those I-Bankers Who Can To Leave And The Rest To Just Slack Off

Luckily, under its current plan, there will be no need for another awkward conversation on the matter next year.

Getty Images

HSBC CEO Would Rather Answer Awkward Questions From British Members Of Parliament Than Chinese Bureaucrats

But Noel Quinn’s not a political man so he’d rather not get in to the obvious implications of that choice.