We've Made You A New Friend For The Mornings

Opening Bell is going to get better...because we have someone else doing it!
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Since we're famously anti-social in our better moments, we’re happy to announce a new partnership with The Water Coolest, a daily business & markets email newsletter that we have been reading and enjoying for a few months now.

WaterCoolest

We like that they call themselves the “preferred handicap stall reading material of corporate cogs,” but we really like that they offered to write the Opening Bell for us. We also see some actual synergy here. These guys seem to get whatever it is we do here and they appear clever. They've also allowed us to tattoo #DraftDimon on one of them, so they are clearly easy to manipulate.

Because we like them, and because they seem hardworking despite being cynically smart, you’ll get a taste of The Water Coolest in your inbox every single morning when they take over the Opening Bell.

In time, you'll learn to tolerate them like you almost have the rest of us.

But if you prefer not to wait, you can sign up to get The Water Coolest delivered for free every weekday at 7 AM EST.

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David Einhorn Said No To A Capital Raise, Kept The Door Open For A Pub Crawl

Remember how David Einhorn got in trouble in England for insider trading on Punch Taverns stock and he was all "what?" and we were all "what?"? Well, you can judge it for yourself because now the entire disputed call with Punch is available online (at the back of this). So go read it, or read the highlights here. The FSA still thinks it's insider trading, but the count of people confused by the whole thing is rising, and now includes the Merrill banker on the call. There's lots of insider traderiness on this side of the pond today too so we should talk about that in a bit. For now, though, two other things. One is quick - no one can resist one part of the call and I can't either so here it is: DAVID EINHORN: Hi, I’m sorry I didn’t get to see you when you were in New York. PUNCH CEO: No, no, we -- well, we’ve -- we’ve only had the chance to speak once, although we have seen [reference to Greenlight Analyst] a few times since then. DAVID EINHORN: Oh, you’re -- you’re -- you’re getting more than -- than I could help with anyway. So, this is good. PUNCH CEO: Okay. That’s fair enough. Well, one day we’ll get you around on a pub crawl around some English pubs. DAVID EINHORN: Oh, that sounds fun. PUNCH CEO: It is. You’re right. English readers: Is it? I just assumed that Punch Taverns are rather grim places, like TGI Friday's but with more ... punching? ... but maybe I'm totally off base here. Also, here is a hypothesis: vice investments do well because, for the same level of profitability, they get more analyst/investor coverage and enthusiasm. Wouldn't you rather go on a pub crawl instead of like a tour of an auto parts factory in Queens? Would that influence your stock recommendations / money allocations? Someone should do a study.

Investment Bank Group Head: Do You Want To Be A Wolf That Starves In The Winter Or Wolf That Eats His Competitors' Fee Pies For Lunch?

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