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We've Made You A New Friend For The Mornings

Opening Bell is going to get better...because we have someone else doing it!

Since we're famously anti-social in our better moments, we’re happy to announce a new partnership with The Water Coolest, a daily business & markets email newsletter that we have been reading and enjoying for a few months now.


We like that they call themselves the “preferred handicap stall reading material of corporate cogs,” but we really like that they offered to write the Opening Bell for us. We also see some actual synergy here. These guys seem to get whatever it is we do here and they appear clever. They've also allowed us to tattoo #DraftDimon on one of them, so they are clearly easy to manipulate.

Because we like them, and because they seem hardworking despite being cynically smart, you’ll get a taste of The Water Coolest in your inbox every single morning when they take over the Opening Bell.

In time, you'll learn to tolerate them like you almost have the rest of us.

But if you prefer not to wait, you can sign up to get The Water Coolest delivered for free every weekday at 7 AM EST.

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Ummm, Has Anyone Seen Thad?

We seem to have misplaced the intern.

(Getty Images)

New Book Claims Gary Cohn's White House Life Is As Abjectly Miserable As We've Always Hoped

The Big Grundle is "in a constant state of shock and horror" and we can finally learn to love again.


The World Is So Upside Down That We're Inviting You To A Charity Event

Something so objectively reprehensible is happening that we're doing charity fundraiser...yeah, we can't believe it either.

Jamie Dimon Just Made A Badass New Friend

"Come on, let Jamie tell you 'bout his neeeew frieeend."

By Fir0002 [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

How Are You Preparing For Today's Opening Bell?

Some ideas on how to brace yourself for the coming carnage.

Housekeeping: Dealbreaker Is Looking For Columnists

Do you want to write things on Dealbreaker? We are looking for a few more regular columnists to write regularly on the areas of their expertise and interest. Topics could include private equity, hedge funds, b-school, stripping one’s way through b-school, or something that has absolutely nothing to do with any of those things but which you are particularly passionate about. Topics like "what I am thinking about this week" or "finance!" will probably be less successful. If you are interested, and can commit to writing a column each week or so, please get in touch and tell us who you are (a resume if you want, or just what you do) and what you'd like to write about. A sample post on your idea would also be great. As always, if you are currently gainfully employed on Wall Street (and would like to stay that way) for a firm that would not look favorably on a part-time writing career, anonymous/pseudonymous columns are fine.


Famously Friendly Neighbor Lisa Maria Falcone Now Literally Sh!tting On The Hamptons

And just when we were about to give up The Hamptons being fun this summer.