Psst, hey, keep your voices down.
It's early afternoon on a Friday so the 39th United States Secretary of Commerce is almost certainly "resting his eyes." There's nothing Wilbur Ross needs more at the end of a long week spent doing actually nothing than slide into a pair of bespoke velvet slippers and go to sleep in his office for a few hours. If there happens to be a meeting, so be it, Old Wilbur gonna get them Zs.
But according to CNBC, it seems like the Slipper King might want to doze a little more gently, lest the suddenly-even-less-hinged leader of the free world command the Secret Service to go grab his sleeping Commerce Secretary and dump him on the next northbound Amtrak train...
President Donald Trump is telling people he wants to replace Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross by the end of the year, according to three people familiar with the matter who are close to the president.
This news saddens us. We have come to enjoy watching Wilbur mouth-breath his way through the motions at the Commerce Department. While we always thought that he was a poor fit for the job, Wilbur has surprised us by being a spectacularly terrible member of the cabinet. Aside from having the charisma of a turtle with a brain infarction, Wilbur has been benched over and over again in favor of real superstars like...Steve Mnuchin. But, hey, Trump let him do some serious work on turning the moon into a gas station. We're not saying that Wilbur has been the worst Commerce secretary of all-time, we're just saying his highlight was going on CNBC and holding fucking soup.
If Wilbur goes, we're afraid that it will be hard to make fun of his successor.
Trump favors Linda McMahon to replace Ross in the role, said these people, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. He is also considering Ray Washburne, whom Trump appointed as president and CEO of Overseas Private Investment Corporation last year, according to one source.
McMahon, head of the Small Business Administration and former CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, has told some of the president's closest advisors that she's likely to take the job if she's offered it, people with direct knowledge of the matter said.