How Are You Preparing For Today's Opening Bell?

Some ideas on how to brace yourself for the coming carnage.

Good morning...?


Futures are painting a pretty clear picture of morning carnage with all three major indices set to open into major sell-offs. After getting rocked on Tuesday, we all got a nice day of mourning to take a breath and come back today...right into the buzzsaw.

So how are you getting ready for the ring a ding ding that will set the walls of the stock exchange running red with blood? Want some ideas?

  • Cover the surfaces of your trading floor with plastic, snort a few bumps of Addy and throw on Hazmat suit.
  • Go long pharma. Everyone will want pills later. All kinds of pills.
  • Set alerts to call a fellow trader 15 minutes and just say "Hey, markets also go down." See how long it takes for a contract to be taken out on your life.
  • Put it all in crypto, bro.
  • Strip naked and walk out onto the sidewalk. Let the fresh air of a crowded sidewalk cleanse your body and your soul.
  • Get your Steve Mnuchin dartboard ready, because if he's so smart why is this happening?
  • Ask the nearest WASP to be your new daddy.
  • Create a movement in which you and 1,000 of your closest friends tweet "U MAD BRO?!" at @jimcramer in unison around 9:29 AM EST.
  • Go throw up.

Enjoy your day, fuckers.