Apple has been pretty clear that it will make much less money this quarter, and it's been even clearer that a simmering trade war with China is an enormous factor in that revenue disappointment. These confessions sent markets into a day-long panic as investors digested the possibility that the Trump trade wars are making it harder for the world's largest consumer electronics company to sell electronics to consumers in the world's largest consumer economy.
But according to the world's most charismatic man, Apple is full of beans. US Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross went on CNBC this morning to tell Joe Kernen that Tim Cook should stop being such a whiny bitch when it comes to the whole China situation.
After being pressed by morning television's human embodiment of all negative Irish-American stereotypes, our narcoleptic Commerce Secretary summoned whatever energy he had between morning naps to say this about Apple:
“I don’t think Apple’s earnings miss had anything to do with the present trade talks,” Ross said on CNBC’s “Squawk Box. ” “Think about it, there have been no tariffs put on Apple products. So that’s not it.”
While Ross left himself open to a more nuanced take on how tariffs work and what trade, like...is, we'll admit that we had no interest to really figure out what Ross was even talking about once we realized that he hadn't brought any props.
So, to recap: Apple is now at odds with the US government over what's wrong with Apple product sales figures and Wilbur Ross is still somehow speaking on behalf of the US government. Happy Monday, monsters.