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We truly believed that nothing could top the crushing sadness conveyed in David Einhorn's letter to Greenlight Capital investors last summer. The mix of self-loathing and pathological belief in himself despite a number of failed investments and one failed marriage left us feeling bereft for the man himself. We even went so far as to present hime with an exit strategy.

But it turns out that we were wrong. David Einhorn is still hitting his rock bottom...


“Nothing went right for the entire year,” Einhorn said in the letter to investors. “In 2018, the losses were a mile wide and a yard deep. It’s much easier to explain results when they are driven by large moves in a few names. It’s much harder when the answer is a lot of everything. But today, it feels more like a combination of a few where we were wrong, a difficult environment for value investing, and a lot of adverse variance.”

Einhorn also admits that his Ackmania for Tesla is still in full flower, telling investors that he will triumph over Elon one day [SPOILER: he won't]. But he's also got an emergency plan, and you'll totally guess what it is...

The hedge fund manager is also using gold as a hedge against “imprudent” global fiscal and monetary policies as the national debt has ballooned to more than $2 trillion under the current administration.

“When the economy eventually slows, the deficit is sure to expand rapidly, possibly catastrophically. The politicians say deficits don’t matter. History says otherwise,” Einhorn said.

We can't read any more of these. They're just too tragic.

Hedge fund manager Einhorn explains why he lost more than 30% last year: ‘Nothing went right’ [CNBC]



David Einhorn Pens The "Flowers For Algernon" Of Investor Letters

Stop what you're doing and send a hug into the universe for what's left of David Einhorn's psyche.


David Einhorn Still Murmuring Incantations Of Death Over Elon Musk Voodoo Doll, Is Feeling Like It's Working

Greenlight Capital telling investors that Tesla is at least on the verge of being on the verge of dying, and D-Hornz is showing signs of late-stage Ackmania.


David Einhorn Evincing Signs Of Late-Stage Ackmania

D-Hornz -who is shorting Tesla- is demanding Elon Musk resign from Tesla, which we're pretty sure is cheating.

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David Einhorn Steals Our Joke In Q2 Investor Letter

Yeah, Chewy IS a lot like, David, where have we heard THAT before?


David Einhorn Is Still Not Dead Yet

D-Hornz going to stay the course, even if it kills him.