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We hope you're sitting on some tweed futures because Gary Cohn is heading to Harvard and homeboy is going to need a few massive blazers.

According to Boston Globe, former Goldman Sachs president turned former senior Trump White House economic advisor turned guy who goes on TV to smirk and roll his eyes about the president, Gary Cohn is indeed heading to the Kennedy School's Institute of Politics at Harvard this spring. Gary will be a fellow at the school, co-leading a stud group focused on bipartisan policy ideas.

If this all sounds familiar, that might be because we told you all about it a few weeks ago [thanks for the total lack of credit though, Boston Globe].  But we're not bitter...

Anyway, during a chat with the story thieves over at The Globe, Gary was apparently asked to apply his insider knowledge of the Trump White House to the possible endgame of the ongoing government shutdown. His answer was...peak Gary Cohn:

In an interview with the Globe, Cohn called the shutdown, prompted by an impasse over Trump’s demand for $5.7 billion in border wall funding, “completely wrong,” and said the furloughing of thousands of federal workers “makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.”

Oh, yeah, we missed this. Gary stands just to the side of Trump and forces his mouth into a rigid smile whilst softly shaking his head and muttering "Now now, we can't do this..." But we also miss how this move is swiftly followed by Gary asking us all to look at the bigger picture, trusting Trump and his administration to deliver on larger promises like tax cuts, economic growth, tax cuts, infrastructure spending, and tax cuts. Give us that sweet sweet flip-side, Big Grundle!

“I don’t understand what the outcome is here, and I don’t understand where we’re going with it,” said Cohn, a free-trade advocate who resigned last March after Trump announced he was imposing tariffs on steel and aluminum imports. “I’m confused as to what the White House’s strategy is on this a little bit.”

Hahaha. "a little bit." Isn't it time that Gary admit he never understood the strategies of this White House outside the ones that he created and saw contorted or destroyed by the president whom they were designed to normalize and support? This White House is like 200 West Street in The Upside Down. Gary was so deeply unprepared to work for a guy like Trump that it's almost fitting he would enter academia in an attempt to unravel what the fuck he was doing there in the first place. Wall Street will be temporarily forever grateful to Big Gary for their tax cut, but we look forward to hearing about how he explains that one time he stood behind the leader of the free world while the man defended neo-Nazis into a live microphone when standing in front of Ivy League graduate students.

Have fun in Cambridge, big guy.

[No Links For Story Thieves]


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