Somewhere, David Einhorn Is Reading "Consumer Reports" Like Teenage David Einhorn Used To Read "Playboy"

When Tesla gets punched, Ackmania is one hell of a drug.
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Hey, have you guys seen Consumer Reports today? JK, of course, you haven't. Well, here's a taste:

Consumer Reports can no longer recommend the newest Tesla—the Model 3 electric sedan—because members say they’ve identified a number of problems with their cars, including issues with its body hardware, as well as paint and trim. CR members reported these results in our annual reliability survey, which includes data on about 470,000 vehicles.

Believe it or not, this recommendation is an enormous deal for Tesla. So losing it, well, that's not great for Tesla.

Don't believe us? You don't have to, just look:

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But you know who we think is reading Consumer Reports today? And poring over it like a horny teen studying his contraband copy of Penthouse Forum? This guy:

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And the image above is the centerfold he's been dreaming of for months.