The Water Coolest and Dealbreaker presents The Johnny Wall Street Starter Kit Giveaway
The Water Coolest, the preferred daily business news and professional advice email newsletter of business pros, is giving away a Johnny Wall Street Starter Kit:
1x Patagonia Better Sweater Fleece Vest
1x pair of Birddogs shorts
1x JUUL Starter Kit
There has never been a better time to assert yourself atop the alpha-male finance food chain. And how do you do that?
“Hard work and perseverance?” - you, probably
Think again, beta cuck! It’s time to dress for the job you want, not the one you have … it’s time to dress like a target-school elitist whose dad is a Goldman MD.
And we’re here to help, with the Johnny Wall Street Starter Kit …
We’re giving away the braggadocious douchebag uniform of trust fund kids everywhere...in a small pocket of the Northeast.
The “Patagucci” vest
Patagonia vests are a mainstay in any deal closer wardrobe. This piece of not-quite-outerwear is one part utility and two parts elitist homogeneity. Cut-off sleeves allow for easy Bloomberg terminal keyboard accessibility in the office and offer the perfect balance of douchiness and class for all of your WASPy happy hour opps.
The Power Bottoms (aka Birddogs shorts)
For when you’ve got to “get this bread” at 5 o’clock and a beer pong tourney at 5:15.
And the small pocket in back is the perfect size for storage of a small plasticine baggy.
The Family JUULs (JUUL starter kit)
Don’t even think about putting “tech-savvy” and “forward-thinking” on your resume unless you’re mainlining nicotine from a USB drive.
Ready to enter to win the uniform of non-finance Manhattanites nightmares? Sign up now to receive The Water Coolest daily business news and professional advice email newsletter for a chance to win the Johnny Wall Street Starter Kit.