What do you do if you're the existentially beleaguered, least-trusted bank in America?

Well, not this:

And if you do end up doing this, you likely shouldn't explain it thusly:

[please read the responses, they are glorious.]

And while every bank has a tech snafu now and then, Wells Fargo stopped being just another bank awhile ago, so when it looks dead, the market is more liable to start kicking it:

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Our advice remains the same Wells Fargo...He's out there.

Related

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Wells Fargo Hoping A Noted Knife-Wielding Control Freak Can Save Its Bacon

Harvey Schwartz is newest rumored savior of The Stagecoach.

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Wells Fargo Considering Just Admitting That No One Wants To Be CEO Of Wells Fargo

The Stagecoach is about to just give up and let its lawyer run the place.

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Bonus Watch '17: Wells Fargo Top Brass Reaps The Whirlwind

Bonus checks at The Stagecoach are just notes that read "Ya Stumpf'd!"

(Getty Images)

Jamie Dimon Pretty Certain That Wells Fargo Is Not Being Run Very Well

The Khaleesi of Wall Street throws some shade at The Stagecoach.

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Layoff Watch '19: Wells Fargo Has A "Location Strategy" For Telecommuters That Will Require Actual Commuting

An insider tells us that The Stagecoach is asking non-customer facing telecommuters to uproot their lives or find a new job.

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In Search For New CEO, Wells Fargo Reports A "Bless This Mess" Quarter

The Stagecoach is offering its next leader a real fixer-upper opportunity.

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Imaginary Wells Fargo CEO Shortlist Down To Marty Chavez And Matt Zames

Now that Harvey Schwartz has turned The Stagecoach down allow us to take the reins of this job search.