Imagine surviving years of working with Bill Gross only to be taken down by bribing your kid into college.

Federal Prosecutors unveiled the charges related to an investigation they are calling "Operation Varsity Blues," and more than 50 people are in pretty deep trouble for a systematic scheme of bribing their children into college using fake records and other kinds of fraud. 

It's very embarrassing and dumb, and the press is eating it up because two of the people named are vaguely famous Hollywood actresses: Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman. But we were also intrigued because when a bunch of people are using their money and influence to buy status for their children, we assume that finance people MUST be involved. 

And, oh, are they...

The biggest finance name caught up in "Operation Varsity Blues" appears to be former PIMCO CEO Doug Hodge. Well, it's almost certainly him:

 

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Yikes. But the part of this that really grabbed our eye was how bad Doug Hodge is at doing a criminal conspiracy:

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Um, Doug? You do have to talk in code. You're doing a fraud.

JFC, you'd think a guy who spent that much time with Bill Gross would know how to bullshit properly.

But Hodge isn't alone. Another bold finance name in the complaint is TPG Capital's Bill McGlashan:

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McGlashan, who runs TPG's growth fund and is CEO of the non-profit of The Rise Fund that he started with his buddy Bono, is a guy that knows how to produce a good investment. Just look:

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And McGlashan was smart enough to not just stop at pretending his kid was a kicker on a nonexistent team, he got INTO it:

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We are combing through to find anyone else involved but feel free to look for yourself. The complaint is quite a read.

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