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We know what you were thinking: That the second-angriest man on Twitter and coiner of the immortal phrase “vicious animal liar,” who thinks socially-responsible investing is for the weak and stupid, whose version of bothsides is to just hate everyone, who is furious that a full-fledged Batcave is out of even his extremely rich reach, who nurtures an entire menagerie of peeves, who tends to smash monitors and throw people into the sides of vans when displeased, and who gets profane and chesty when Rutgers business professors confront his friend Paul Ryan over the $350 bottle of wine he’s drinking, would be an absolute dream of a boss—supportive, forgiving, generous, gentle, just everything you’d want in a leader and mentor.

Well, circus-themed holiday parties at Cipriani notwithstanding, Cliff Asness is here to disabuse you of those notions.

“I do not enjoy managing people, and they do not enjoy being managed by me,” Asness deadpanned. “It goes well.”

Mass PRIM CIO, Cliff Asness Talk Career Lessons at Pension Bridge [Chief Investment Officer]



Cliff Asness Will Try Anything Once, Including Gorging On Big Data

I mean, he also thought he’d like “Iron Fist," so he can be wrong.


Cliff Asness Is No Fan Of Cliff Asness-Renovated Miami Apartment

It’s nowhere near big enough for his personality and grievances.


House-Flipping No More Successful These Days For Cliff Asness Than Hedge-Fund Managing

Our favorite disgruntled would-be Batman just took a bath in a Miami Beach infinity pool.

Chuck Schumer's Gonna Have To Do A Lot Better Than Dinner If He Wants A Piece Of Cliff Asness

Earlier today, Politico ran a story titled "Can Chuck Schumer win back Wall St. for Democrats?" Apparently the New York Senator recently "embarked on a fence-mending campaign with senior Wall Street executives, many of whom have grown furious with the Democratic party," in a charm offensive that has included "holding private dinners [including one put on by Pershing Square manager Bill Ackman], organizing high-end fundraisers for Democratic candidates and quietly pressing for super PAC donations." According to Politico, "the outreach appears to be working: Hedge fund and private-equity executives have held six different fundraisers for Democratic challengers and senators at Schumer’s request, sources say." Some financial services employees, however, are not so easy. Take Cliff Asness for example. The AQR manager happened to read the piece and here's what he had to say about it: From: Cliff Asness Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 01:08 PM To: AQR lieutenants, other top hedge fund managers Subject: Can Chuck Schumer win back Wall St. for Democrats? Good title question. Only if Wall Street is so f---ing stupid as to defy credulity, honor, and morality. So, yeah, probably. Best line: “Chuck Schumer is pro-business". Yeah, ones that buy him off in explicit crony-capitalism, but he wants to regulate and tax to death ones that don't. Don Corleone was also pro-business. You guys say this stuff with a straight face huh? C p.s. Sorry about the multiple emails, merging lists (though that is probably not the thing that upsets people) While the above response should come as a shock to exactly no one, we don't think Schumer should give up on Asness so easily. The guy just wants to be wooed. Start with some limited edition action figures, add some $700 bottles of wine, and go from there.  You whip out a Mego Elastic Batman, he's listening. You show up with a a matching Captain America shield tattoo but instead of on your forearm it's on your face? He's nominating you for President. You're welcome.