Happy Friday! Want to read something that will make you want to just walk into the sea?

There’s a rogue photo doing the rounds of Alex Rodriguez sitting on the can, shot through the window of his luxury NYC pad — and now his legal team is urgently trying to flush out the photographer, who was likely at a Manhattan hedge fund next door.

Yup. This ruined our breakfast too...

A-Rod apparently likes to linger on the lavatory at his Park Avenue apartment without closing the blinds, and the former Yankee slugger was caught with his pants down on the throne by a photographer who was privy to a clear view from the adjacent building.

The photo, which has been seen by Page Six but which we won’t publish for privacy reasons, shows A-Rod in a blue shirt, his trousers down, texting on his phone and luxuriating on the loo in his white marbled bathroom.

We don't like photos of A-Rod in any milieu, so we're intensely unexcited about this, but we are admittedly intrigued by who committed this crime against humanity. Our mind immediately boggled at the possibilities of which fund would employ someone this stupidly evil [no one wants to see A-Rod dumping out...even if the monogrammed towel is hilarious ...yes, we looked at the picture]. We liked the idea of someone at Greenlight trying to impress legendary Mets fan David Einhorn by shaming an ex-Yankee, and the notion of Dan Loeb being a shutterbug tickles us, then there's always the possibility that one of those quant renaissance artistes at DE Shaw moonlights as a pervy Diane Arbus during work hours.

Fortunately for those people, The NY Post triangulated the geography of this affair and we have a shortlist and none of them are on it:

Hedge funds that have offices next door include Phil Falcone’s Harbinger Group; Ortelius Capital Partners, co-founded by Pavlos, crown prince of Greece; and JMP Securities, run by Carter Mack and Mark Lehmann. They were all not immediately available for comment.

Which one of those funds could conceivably have the kind of top-down culture that would allow for an employee to think that it would be cool to take toilet photos of a celebrity through a window...yeah, don't answer that, we know which one too.

Alex Rodriguez’s viral toilet pic could land hedge fund in hot water [NYPost]

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