Skip to main content

With the important caveat that we said the same thing about the current occupant of the Oval Office, it’s safe to assume that Michael Bloomberg is not going to be president. The only people who seem to want him to be are billionaires, and there are only about 600 of those in the U.S. Everything about him is at odds with the apparent direction of the Democratic primary electorate. It’s just not gonna happen.

But if Mayor Mike is sick of the relative obscurity of semi-retirement, if he continues to crave the adulation and applause of a grateful public, if he’s looking for another opening in which he can’t possibly but be better than the person he’s trying to replace, whether that’s Joe Biden or Donald Trump, well, Jason Gay has the perfect plan.

If Mike Bloomberg really wants to change the planet, he shouldn’t run for president.

He should buy the New York Knicks….

Buying the Knicks? And saving the Knicks? You’ll be the King of the World…. It’s one of the great human challenges left. Put a Courtyard by Marriott on Mars, and fix the Knicks…. Reviving this forlorn franchise would be absolutely everything, a legendary act. Bloomberg made a fortune in business news, and won, like, 14 consecutive terms as mayor, but even just getting the Knicks to the Eastern Conference semifinals would be a much bigger deal.

It’s perfect. Just tell your buddy Don to put Jim Dolan in the Cabinet and you won’t run. Foolproof. How else might Hizzformeronor better spend his time?

Mike Bloomberg Wants to Save the World. He Should Buy the Knicks. [WSJ]


(Getty Images)

Mike Bloomberg Decides Being A Billionaire Is Way Better Than Being President

It’s yet another way in which he’s intellectually superior to the man he won’t be succeeding.

Jamie Dimon Candidate

Michael Bloomberg Thinking About Running For President Again As Jamie Dimon Continues To Solve All Of America’s Problems

The wrong billionaire is about to get mauled by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren in the primaries.

(Getty Images)

President Bloomberg Puts Down Payment On Friendly First-Term Congress

Hizzoner hopes a few checks and balances will mean there will still be a country for him to run in three years.

What he likes to see. By Rubenstein [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

SEC Settles No Longer Politically Convenient Case Against Bloomberg

No point in letting this hang over his head a la Hillary’s e-mails.


New York Sports Fans Enduring Another Midwinter Of Sad Delusion

The Rangers are trying to be honest, but unfortunately they play hockey.