Skip to main content

It’s quite clear now that none of you are doing your patriotic duty and believing Larry Kudlow and Mike Pence that there’s no reason to get into a tizzy about this whole coronavirus thing. We’re already well into correction territory and digging deeper today. Fed officials are making inconclusive mouth-noises about the whole thing. You’re looking up at the Canadians—who got an unscheduled two-hour break from the carnage—with envy. People are looking for stocks to take into their pandemic bunkers, apparently. The odious Crispin Odey is once again crowing over others’ misfortune.

Not to get too Kuddles-ish here, but is it all a bit overblown? Almost certainly. Is it mostly a case of fearing fear itself? Yea, probably. Are we all gonna die, thereby rendering stock investments a useless artifact and so you might as well cash out and enjoy the time you have left? Uh, yes, but in the short-term, no. And so, let’s make a game of it, as we’re apparently required to do any time something from China infects the markets: It’s time to call the close.

You know the drill: Standard Price is Right rules, closest to the Dow close without going over wins. Guesses in by 3 p.m. EST today in the comments. Throw in an S&P 500 prediction as well, ostensibly as a tiebreaker but really just to make yourself a little more depressed. We’d send you something for winning, but seeing as we’re in quarantine for a couple of weeks you probably wouldn’t want it.

Dow falls more than 900 points as coronavirus fears put stocks on verge of worst weekly slide since 2008 [MarketWatch]
U.S. Bank Stocks Hammered as Coronavirus Spreads [WSJ]
Fed’s James Bullard says rate cuts possible only if coronavirus turns into pandemic [CNBC]
Fed’s Evans Says Too Soon to Say if Coronavirus Shock Needs Rate Cut [WSJ]
Fed Officials Say It Is Too Soon to Assess Coronavirus Impact on U.S. Economy [WSJ]
Technical glitch halts TSX for the day as traders face virus fears [BNN Bloomerg]
Stocks to Take With You to the Bunker [NYT]
Crispin Odey profits in deep coronavirus sell-off [FT]
The Coronavirus Selloff Might Be Exaggerated [WSJ]
Fear of Coronavirus, Rather Than Virus Itself, Hits Economies [WSJ]



Hedge Funds Catch A Serious Case Of Alpha

Can there be a pandemic every month

Florida Memory [No restrictions], via Wikimedia Commons

Call The Close: Turkey Days

What, is this not how you wanted to spend your holiday week?


It’s Starting To Feel Like Jay Powell’s Not Cut Out For This Fed Chair Thing

Donald Trump may be right about Bizarro King Midas, although for the wrong reasons, of course.


Allegedly Sexual Deviant Crispin Odey Definitely A Racist, Ghoul

If we’re throwing around c-words, I can think of one to describe the hedge fund manager.

(marolse3 via eBay.)

UPDATE: Call The Close: Nice Round Number Edition



Oh, Look: A Bond That Acts Just Like Stocks Or Worse At The Worst Possible Time

We trust Larry Kudlow is loading up on pandemic bonds right now.

Getty Images)

Travis Kalanick Finds New Industry To Put Out Of Business

A global pandemic is a fertile time for disruption, no?