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A headline like, “The unluckiest people at Deutsche Bank,” is the juiciest imaginable clickbait. Talk about begging the question! I mean, how would one even go about determining such a thing, given that “person at Deutsche Bank” is already about the unluckiest thing a human could be? Please, tell me more about these most pathetic and pitiable creatures, ones who even other Deutsche Bankers shudder at the thought of.

Well, it turns out that Deutsche Bank still wants to act like a top bank, even though it demonstrably isn’t, and as such is following their lead by promising not to lay off any more people while the coronavirus continues to ravage the global economy. (Unlike, you know, everyone else.) Sure, may ask its people to go on the dole as part time workers, but no one will be sent packing in an emergency. Except for those among the 18,000 getting the ax who were pretty far along in getting the sack. While those who’ll be fired once the crisis passes are temporarily spared “to avoid emotional distress in the current environment,” the others are being sent out into a desolate and deserted world.

Deutsche Bank said in the memo it will complete all discussions with individual staff about layoffs that have already been initiated. The vast majority of those discussions have been signed and are near finalization, it said.

These people would seem to be unluckiest. Back in January or February when they were informed of their imminent job losses life was still normal. Now they're being ejected into a very different scenario. While there is still hiring happening, the next few months could be hard and walking into a new job is unlikely. Nor will they be able to avail themselves of government schemes to subsidize the incomes of people put on pause during the crisis.

But will they get to keep their e-mail accounts?

Deutsche Bank Delays Historic Job Cuts Program as Virus Spreads [Bloomberg]
Morning Coffee: The unluckiest people at Deutsche Bank. JPMorgan’s equity derivatives business now up >100% on last year [eFinancialCareers]
Deutsche Bank studies state aid for staff in coronavirus crisis [Reuters via Yahoo! Finance]
Record Rise in Unemployment Claims Halts Historic Run of Job Growth [WSJ]


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