It’s Friday, Sell Everything Just In Case - Dealbreaker

The Biden bounce lasted for about as long as the former vice president can manage a string of coherent, grammatical sentences. Coronavirus cases worldwide have topped 100,000—although Rick Santelli wishes it were more like 330 million.

Maybe we’d be just better off if we gave it to everybody, and then in a month it would be over because the mortality rate of this probably isn’t going to be any different if we did it that way than the long-term picture, but the difference is we’re wreaking havoc on global and domestic economies.

Unrelatedly (we think), Jamie Dimon is in the hospital. So, how are you looking forward to your Friday?

If the 124-year-old blue-chip index DJIA closes lower [today], it will have put together its longest run of Friday losses, seven straight, since the string of eight straight Friday losses that ended July 2006, according to Dow Jones Market Data…. “Fridays have become the scariest day of the week because we know with a high percentage of certainty that there’s going to be more bad news, and we have seen how that manifests in equity valuations,” Art Hogan, chief market strategist at National Securities, told MarketWatch.

Enjoy your weekend!

Dow risks longest Friday losing streak in 14 years as coronavirus has Wall Street dreading weekends [MarketWatch]
Dow soars more than 1,100 points as market rallies off Biden win, UnitedHealth pops 10% [CNBC]
Dow tanks more than 950 points as Wall Street’s roller-coaster week continues [CNBC]
Cases of infection pass 100,000, and W.H.O. calls for wider action [NYT]
CNBC’s Rick Santelli suggests giving everyone coronavirus to spare the economy [MarketWatch]
JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon Is Recovering After Emergency Heart Surgery [WSJ]

Related

Jamie Dimon Candidate

It’s Not Jamie Dimon’s Fault He Can’t Help Sounding Presidential

Maybe all of you Bernie Bros should have thought about that before scaring him out of the race and leaving us with Joe Biden.

Jamie Dimon Candidate

Michael Bloomberg Thinking About Running For President Again As Jamie Dimon Continues To Solve All Of America’s Problems

The wrong billionaire is about to get mauled by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren in the primaries.

coronavirus

First Hedge Fund Dies Of Coronavirus

If you’ve been in contact with Solus Alternative Asset Management’s flagship, please lock your door right away and swallow the key.

coronavirus

Hedge Funds Catch A Serious Case Of Alpha

Can there be a pandemic every month

Getty Images

Famously Public-Minded Bank Doing All It Can To Help Out

Which, in Wells Fargo’s case, is not much, so don’t ask.

trump

Call The Close: Well This Is Fun, Isn’t It?

You wanted volatility? You got it! Now guess how much.

coronavirus

One Stupid Trick For Avoiding Coronavirus Market Whiplash

Just, like, ignore everything until 3:30.