Skip to main content

The Opening Bell is powered by The Water Coolest. You can sign up for TWC's full, daily email newsletter here. In the meantime, check out one of the features from today's edition ...


It’s official! On Friday, the House approved, and Donny Politics officially signed the $2T CARES Act (read: the coronavirus stimulus package). Members of the House returned to Washington, as their most recent session had ended, and passed the legislation via “voice vote”. It’s like karaoke, but way less fun to watch. 

The approval was almost delayed further as Rep. Thomas Massie asked for a full “recorded vote” which would have required all House members to participate. Ever hear of social distancing? But officials traveled back to the nation’s capital to reach a quorum of 216, and make the vote official. It is also suspected that Mr. Massie, hates fun and has no friends.

Get that money 

Upon signing the biggest relief package in US history, POTUS thanked Congress for coming together. His officials said that the main focus is to get the $1,200 to Americans as soon as possible...which could be as early as three weeks. Hammer Diageo. 

Anybody who already has their banking information on file with the IRS (read: pays their taxes) will be the first to get payment, followed by those who apply and provide their information. For those who don’t have bank accounts, the government is exploring options on how to provide payments. 

Sadly, the bill caps payments for individuals who make over $99k, so better cancel that half oz. of blow for your staycation, Chad. 

So, what’s next?

Now that the bill has passed, government officials can go right back to...working on another bill. Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has already indicated that this is just the beginning of the government’s efforts to provide relief amidst this pandemic.

The bottom line...

The execution of distributing these funds is going to be interesting to watch over the next few weeks. So what should we do?

Enter Venmo and Cash App. The two payment companies are already lobbying the government to use their services to pay people. While millennials have become comfortable with using these services, they still are most closely associated with transactions titled “Skiing.”

If the government agrees to use them, the payment companies believe it will help substantiate their place as secure providers. Legitimate, secure providers... that you can still pay for drugs with. 

Trump Signs $2 Trillion Coronavirus Stimulus Bill After Swift Passage by House [WSJ]

But wait, there's more. The above is just one feature that appears in today's edition of The Water Coolest's daily email newsletter. Sign up now to get the latest news and commentary delivered to your inbox every weekday at 6 AM EST.



Opening Bell 4.22.20

Déjà vu all over again

(Getty Images)

Opening Bell 12.11.19

This is why we can't have nice trade deals ...


Opening Bell 3.4.20

Did you try cutting the rates, that usually works

(Getty Images)

Opening Bell 4.30.19

When reached for comment, Alphabet had this to say: "At least we aren't Bing."

(Getty Images)

Opening Bell 3.26.20

I love the smell of stimuli in the morning...