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Dear readers: It pains us greatly to write this. But, unlike Donald Trump, we must face unpleasant facts when they are indisputable and undeniable:

Jamie Dimon is not going to be the next president of the United States.

Indeed, much to our (and Marianne Lake’s) chagrin, he’s almost certainly not going to be the next Treasury Secretary, either, or hold any other formal or informal position in the incoming Biden administration.

But, you guys, take heart: For we can be the first to announce that Jamie Dimon is going to be the next next (or, should the actuarial tables catch up with Joe Biden in the next four years, the next next next) president of the United States of America.

“I’m a patriot before I’m the C.E.O. of JPMorgan….”

“If you travel out of Washington, D.C. and New York City, there is deep, deep, deep frustration” with political leaders, particularly over stimulus negotiations.

“This is childish behavior on the part of our politicians,” Dimon said about an impasse between Democrats and Republicans over how much additional spending should be authorized.

The two parties should split the difference between the amounts they want to devote to coronavirus relief, he said.

“Just get it done,” he said, declining to blame one side over the other…. “Taxing my income a little bit more, that does not hurt growth,” he said. “Taxing capital formation, over time, hurts growth. We should have a competitive international tax system for business.”

″[H]umility, openness, fairness [and] being authentic” are most important – “not [being] the smartest person in the room or the hardest working person in the room,” Dimon, who runs the nation’s largest bank and oversees more than 250,000 employees globally, told LinkedIn editor in chief Daniel Roth in a recent video.

“Management is: Get it done, follow-up, discipline, planning, analysis, facts, facts, facts. It’s [getting] the right people in the room, kill the bureaucracy, all of these various things,” Dimon told Roth. “But the real keys to leadership aren’t just doing that.”

It’s about having “respect for people,” not about having “charisma” or “brain power,” he said….

If you’re “selfish” or “take the credit” when it isn’t warranted, others are “not going to want to work,” which will impact efficiency on the job.

Looks like Jamie’s already got his eye on the presumptive Republican nominee in 2024. And the latest plank in his presidential platform is bad news for the Biterati.

JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon, speaking at the New York Times DealBook Summit on Wednesday, reiterated that bitcoin is “just not my cup of tea.” He also predicted governments will soon regulate it more stringently.

JPMorgan’s Dimon says ‘childish’ U.S. politicians are preventing stimulus package [Reuters]
JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon: People with these traits succeed—‘not the smartest or hardest-working in the room’ [CNBC]
Jamie Dimon says chief executives have to step up as leaders outside of business [DealBook]
Jamie Dimon says bitcoin is ‘not my cup of tea’ even as JPMorgan has warmed to crypto [Yahoo! Finance]


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Jamie Dimon Runs His 2024 Presidential Platform By Guy He Plans To Replace

The next president of the United States is from Queens, but it won’t be the last president of the United States from Queens.

Jamie Dimon Candidate

It’s Not Jamie Dimon’s Fault He Can’t Help Sounding Presidential

Maybe all of you Bernie Bros should have thought about that before scaring him out of the race and leaving us with Joe Biden.

(Getty Images)

Mike Bloomberg Decides Being A Billionaire Is Way Better Than Being President

It’s yet another way in which he’s intellectually superior to the man he won’t be succeeding.


JPMorgan Places Child In Charge Of Childish Cryptocurrencies

Oliver Harris may not have to shave yet, but he’s Jamie Dimon’s new pointman on matters blockchain.

(Getty Images)

Man Who Made $31.5 Million Last Year Still Not A Fan Of Socialism

Comrade Sanders is threatening to erode society, by which Jamie Dimon presumably means his $1.7 billion (and growing!) fortune.

(Getty Images)

JPMorgan Trader Gets COVID At Highly Inconvenient And Embarrassing Time

A week before his colleagues are being ordered back to the office and at the same time that Jamie Dimon is extolling the plan’s virtues.