We know what you’re thinking: Hard-hit Americans and their hard-hit economy have waited long enough for another serious stimulus jolt. They’ve waited since at least the Georgia runoff elections in December which made it possible. They’ve waited as unpaid bills piled up and fridge shelves emptied. They’ve waited and listened to the expert inveigh on how vital it all was. They’ve waited through some typically bad-faith Republican “negotiations.” They’ve waited as they learned about arcane Senate rules, and they’ve waited through Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema’s maverick cosplay. They’ve waited so long that President Biden decided to move his gala signing ceremony for what will almost certainly be the biggest bill and signature achievement of his administration. Surely, surely, everyone must agree that everyone who’s eligible (thanks, Kyrsten and Joe!) has waited not only long enough, but indeed too long!

Well, Charlie Scharf and Jamie Dimon know better.

“We know the importance of the stimulus funds to our customers, and we are providing the payments to our customers as soon as possible on the date the funds are available, based on IRS direction,” Jim Seitz, a spokesman for Wells Fargo, said in an emailed statement. “Wells Fargo is not holding the funds….”

“When we receive the money from the IRS on Wednesday, we will immediately deposit it into our customers’ accounts,” Amy Bonitatibus, a spokeswoman for JPMorgan, said in an emailed statement.

Which all sounds very reasonable, until you realize

The Internal Revenue Service has said while the official payment date is Wednesday, it’s begun sending the money…. Some lenders, including the digital bank Chime, have begun providing payments to consumers. Chime said Friday it had already made about $600 million worth of stimulus money available to roughly 250,000 customers.

“These payments will be available at traditional banks on 3/17 but Chime members already have access and more is on the way,” Chime tweeted on Friday.

Yes, but has Chime ensured you’ll have the money you’ll need to not go out drinking until you puke on St. Patrick’s Day? No, but Charlie and Jamie have (we trust Brian Moynihan approves)! They’re sure you’ll understand that Wall Street knows what is best for you—after all, when has it ever tried to turn stimulus funds to their advantage rather than to the little guy’s?—and will understand one day. Hopefully tomorrow.

Customers vented on social media, with some saying they would close their accounts with the lenders. The term “direct deposit” began trending on Twitter on Sunday as a result, and consumers sent more than 250,000 tweets about the topic.

Wells Fargo, JPMorgan See Ire Over Timing of Stimulus Checks [Bloomberg]

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