Skip to main content

Cryptocurrencies are, in a very real sense of the term, fake. And yet, the world of imagine they have conjured offers, in its way, a more vivid and exaggerated imitation of real life, with impossibly high highs and unfathomably low lows paired in sharper relief and closer proximity than usually achieved by reality, if ever.

For instance, this would seem to be a bit of cripplingly bad news, one which might call into question the whole existence of the project if it had to do with anything other than ersatz means of exchange.

The U.K. Financial Conduct Authority, the country’s lead financial regulator, told consumers Saturday that Binance’s local unit wasn’t permitted to conduct operations related to regulated financial activities…. Binance Markets Ltd., the company’s U.K. arm, applied to be registered with the Financial Conduct Authority and withdrew its application on May 17.

“A significantly high number of cryptoasset businesses are not meeting the required standards” under money-laundering regulations, said a spokesperson for the FCA in an email. “Of the firms we’ve assessed to date, over 90% have withdrawn applications following our intervention.”

Binance, for those who don’t know, is the world’s largest cryptocurrency exchange. And if getting sort-of shut out of the fifth-largest economy in the world (users can still make like American sports gamblers and trade bitcoins on Binance’s non-British platforms, which is, of course, a non-regulated activity) seems bad enough, how about also getting kicked out of the third?

Japan’s financial watchdog issued a statement on June 25, saying that Binance isn’t registered to do business in the country.

And that’s not even the worst thing to happen to a cryptocurrency in recent weeks. Take the sorry saga of the crypto whose proceeds are to finance something like a real-life Pied Piper, but which actually only appear to have financed the people behind it.

In early trading after the market debut, the total market value of the Internet Computer token, or ICP, was worth tens of billions of dollars, making it one of the 10 most valuable cryptocurrencies at the time…. But by last week, ICP’s value had tanked by about 95 percent….

[Crypto analysis firm] Arkham [Intelligence] identified 44 “probable insider addresses” that deposited 10 million ICP tokens worth more than $2 billion to exchanges after the initial coin offering, giving the impression they were transferred for trading, not safeguarding. These transfers coincided with significant drops in the price of ICP, the report said. Small investors, left out of the process, were stuck.

Does any of that matter, we ask for what seems like the hundred-thousandth time, although we, like you, know the answer to the question within typing just a few of those 23 characters.

The price of bitcoin climbed to $34,805.19 Monday, up 8% from where it stood at 5 p.m. ET Friday, according to CoinDesk…. [Billionaire Ricardo] Salinas Pliego tweeted over the weekend that he recommends the use of bitcoin. “Me and my bank are working to be the first bank in Mexico to accept #Bitcoin,” he added….

The second Twitter post was accompanied by a graphic showing the price of a cup of coffee rising over time. “The dollar has quietly robbed you of your purchasing power since 1913. Buy bitcoin!” the image said.

Not to be outdone on his own chosen tribune, Tesla, et. al., chief Elon Musk has once again taken time away from his apparently not-all-that-busy day entrepreneuing to again plump for a crypto we feel compelled to remind you is a literal joke.

The dogecoin price shot higher, climbing 5% over the last 24 hours, after Musk said it is "important to support" a dogecoin upgrade proposal to significantly reduce dogecoin transaction fees….

And if you can’t get enough of Musk, or would somehow and for some reason prefer to get your dose in many more than 280 characters, without emojis and in analog form, you may be in luck.

Bestselling author Walter Isaacson has been in contact with Elon Musk about the possibility of writing a biography of the controversial Telsa chief executive…. Isaacson, a veteran journalist, academic and author may be best known for his bestselling biography of Steve Jobs, the iconic and equally controversial co-founder and CEO of Apple. In a recent interview with Yahoo Finance, Isaacson compared Musk to Jobs stating: "In some ways, he's the Steve Jobs of our time, he's crazy enough to think he can change the world and thus he might be one of the ones who do change the world."

Binance Crypto Exchange Ordered to Cease U.K. Activities [WSJ]
The Dramatic Crash of a Buzzy Cryptocurrency Raises Eyebrows [DealBook]
Bitcoin Price Climbs After Mexican Billionaire Urges People to Buy [WSJ]
Elon Musk Reveals Suprise Support For A Radical Upgrade Proposal To ‘Joke’ Bitcoin Rival Dogecoin—Sending Its Price Sharply Higher [Forbes]
Walter Isaacson in preliminary talks with Elon Musk to write biography [Fox Business]

For more of the latest in litigation, regulation, deals and financial services trends, sign up for Finance Docket, a partnership between Breaking Media publications Above the Law and Dealbreaker.

Related

By AntanaCoins (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Looks Like We’ve Got Another Crypto Civil War On Our Hands

What makes a cryptocurrency a currency, one lawsuit-battling crypto wonders aloud and angrily?

whispering

Turns Out You Can’t Trust Insider Traders To Not Insider Trade, Even If You Ask Nicely

Those inclined to do it are not inclined to be dissuaded by a pandemic-induced sense of everyone being in this together.

gamestop

SEC Drags GameStop Wash Traders For Dirty Deeds

There was at least one thing you allegedly couldn’t do during the madness.