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If I were Leon Black, I would certainly not wish to litigate the details of my extramarital affairs and relationships with convicted pedophiles in as many courtrooms as were available to me, which if I were Leon Black would be all of them on account of all of my billions. But I, of course, am not Leon Black, who apparently has no interest in using some small part of those billions to make his mistress, and all her allegations about “forced sadistic sexual acts” and various unseemly exploits with Jeffrey Epstein, go away.

U.S. District Judge Paul Engelmayer asked the seven lawyers present in a New York courtroom Thursday about the prospects for settlement.

“Raise your hand if anyone would give an answer other than ‘slim to none,’” the judge said. No hands were raised.

Of course, if I were Leon Black, I'd also have no illusions about my ability to clear my name and return in triumph to Apollo Global Management, the Museum of Modern Art and the rest of polite society no matter the outcome of those cases. But, again, I am not Leon Black.

Apollo's Leon Black Faces Off Former Model in Court for First Time [Bloomberg]

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Leon Black, Jeffrey Epstein Have More In Common Than An Interest In Tax Efficiency

Now, they share an experience of legal trouble around their exploits.

a few good men

Leon Black Goes All Jack Nicholson On Mistress’ Epstein Allegations

We’re not quite at “You can’t handle the truth!” yet but we’re getting there.

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Leon Black Has Regrets

Like having to send this regretful letter to clients, assuring that he never lied to them about Jeffrey Epstein.