A new job for every old former Deutsche Banker, courtesy of yours truly!
How does Christian Sewing have 20K people left to lose?
Deutsche Bank now openly contemplating what an investment bank looks like without investment bankers.
We hear that HQ is calling for a 5% cut across all groups.
Never tweet, even if it's your literal job.
Bright side: Those not good enough even for the French bank could also try for a certain German one.
Mmm, the smell of pink slips wafting in from Battery Park City on the warming air.
One Deutsche Banker describes this bonus season as feeling like "a prelude to just shutting the whole thing down."
This is getting very dark, very quickly.
The bank tells Bloomberg that it isn't mulling over layoffs, which makes us wonder "why not?"
He's getting better and being better every day, you guys.
Sounds like a few dozen people are coming around to the idea that UBS sucks.
This "anything you can do, we can do better" shit has gone TOO far.
Bill Ackman needs to hide away and think, so the PSQ office needs to be 18% quieter.
Margins require sacrifice, even if you are raking it in hand over fist.
A tough 2016 is manifesting itself in all sorts of unpleasant ways at 1251 Sixth Avenue.
For every layoff the rest of Wall Street manages to avoid, Deutsche Bank will cut two jobs.
Is there a German compound word for terrible irony?
At today's DB, layoffs are almost clemency.
It's bad news/worse news over at the House of Gorman.
Unless you work in compliance, the days of champagne, caviar, and blow are back!
These would be on top of the 10k already underway.
Tough breaks over in Germany.
The House of Moynihan is reportedly having some awkward conversations in the conference room today.
The Swiss bank is said to be asking London bankers to turn in their ID badges, forever.
The House of Lloyd plans to divest itself of a whole buncha investment bankers.
Which do you want first?
Some little Lloyds won't make it past Labor Day, while others will get to celebrate one last Halloween/National Salami Day/Election Day/Boxing Day at the bank.
Don't put this on Herbalife. Or Valeant. Or Brexit.
And the rest of the summer off.
On the bright side, you can always join Bill Gross at the new shop?
The cuts are on top of Goldman's annual axing of the 5% of employees giving the bank a bad name.
By axing a bunch of employees.
The French are also *hiring*.
Employees across the pond know what we're talking about.
Thanks for asking.
Everything else is screwing him.