DJ D-Sol is spinning some sad tunes up on 12 if you’d like to commiserate.
In possibly related news, it just set half of its quarterly earnings on fire.
JPMorgan sees Citi’s 31% trading boost and 12% RoE and raises it 55% and 15%.
There’ll be far fewer trips to B-Dubs for Bryan Cohen going forward.
More transparency? To attract investors? What is this, Bank of America?
That or he’s taking out his frustration over being spied on out on 500 of you, and then spying on the rest of you for good measure.
To that person, should he or she exist, Baird has some deflating news.
The bank misspoke when it said the surveillance was isolated, but on that point only.
Someone who is running for president would like to know.
A bit of extra vigilance might be in order, and will probably be enough to catch the hapless rent-a-cops in Tidjane Thiam’s employ.
Thanks for nothing, Wall Street.
Either way, the regulators don’t think they need extra monitoring anymore.
He’s got to do something for the next four years.
The investment bank isn’t the only thing that needs work.
1,200 of you are on the market this holiday season to make the CEO feel a little better.
Christian Sewing involuntarily shudders whenever he hears police sirens now.
He may even take AirTrain to JFK.
The people persons are precisely reflective of the organization as a whole.
And they had plenty of their own stink to deal with already.
Oh? You don’t have $24,000 in cash lying around? I see.
Jim Amine knows what we’re talking about.
‘Twas nearly death by derivative, sayeth the courts.
This is problematic, given that he runs a British bank.
Jamie Dimon's obsession with being the next JR Ewing is becoming difficult to ignore.
At least, federal prosecutors hope it is.
Sergio Ermotti barely notices the I-bank’s losses anymore, which is the point of them, right?
Give him your hungry, your tired, your convicted felons yearning to, uh, say hello to people as they enter a Chase branch.
BriMo gets which way the wind is blowing.
The former Eeyore of Wall Street is now a compulsive winner making life more interesting for Jamie Dimon.
Who can even remember why banks were forced to increase capital reserves or plan for their own demises anymore?
Certain bankers might wish to avoid entering any Saudi diplomatic posts for the time being.
We're in a "semi-recession," says Zurich's messy drama queens.
I mean, if you really think about it.
Jamie's people are relatively happy while Wells Fargo's people...work at Wells Fargo.
"Eat shit, Schwab, we got puppies" said E*Trade in a statement.
Surprise! Tidjane Thiam’s been cleared by his bank’s probe into some Big Lebowski-esque private investigating.
Turns out “unofficial internship programs” for Asian magnates’ failchildren are frowned upon.
We demand a probe into Credit Suisse’s Arborgate!
This is probably not the kind of thing the bank should have allowed to reach the lawsuit stage.
Say what you will, but leaving BNY Mellon to run Wells Fargo proves that Charlie Scharf is definitely not a venal careerist.