Banks
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Jamie Dimon Has So Much Extra Cash To Not Spend On Bonuses, Political Donations
The not-46th-president-of-the-United-States made history this week all the same.
National Defense Authorization Act Has Intercontinental Ballistic Legal Missile Pointed Directly At Deutsche Bank
Comply with our subpoenas or, you know, just stop doing any business in the United States.
HSBC Violates Your Natural/Moral/Legal/Constitutional/Biblical Right To An HSBC Bank Account While Killing HSBC Employees
It definitely says “Thou shalt not cancel my checking account in absence of a mask” in one or all of those.
Deutsche Bank Bids ‘Auf Wiedersehen’ To The Least Illustrious German-American In History
The Drumpfs need some new banks.
Bank PACs To Think About Financing Efforts To Shred Constitution For A Little While
And private equity firms have even bigger concerns.
If He’s Being Honest, David Solomon Could Have Done Without A U.S. Capitol Riot Just Before His ‘Storm The Hill’ Event
Unlike the president, Goldman Sachs really did mean it metaphorically.
Bonus Watch ’20: Your Bonus Is No Torches And Pitchforks At Your Front Door
BriMoy & co. are gonna hold on to what’s rightfully yours for your own good.
Trump Banker Makes Like Bill Barr And Retires
Deutsche Bank won’t have Rosemary Vrablic to kick around anymore. But Cy Vance still does.
There Is At Least One Law Danske Bank Hasn’t Broken
How many it has, and how much it will cost, remains unclear.
Even The Swiss Frown On (Allegedly) Laundering Money For The Bulgarian Mafia
Which is too bad for an astonished Credit Suisse.
Beneficiary Of Citi Screw Up Was Totally Talking About Another Mistake When She Found Out About Payment
Really, it was about someone fucking up on our side. Honest.
Barclays Acted A Bit Too American In Its Dealings With British Customers
That kind of predatory nonsense belongs only in the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Credit Suisse Traders Exactly Half As Valuable To Bank As Wealth Managers
The Swiss have, as is their wont, precisely quantified the investment bank’s status.
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Supreme Court To Decide If Banks Really Need To Be The Things They Say They Are
Supreme Court To Decide If Banks Really Need To Be The Things They Say They Are Dek: Honesty
Cy Vance May Be The Only Person Keeping New York Deutsche Bankers Busy
Please rise and raise your right hands and prepare to explain everything everyone named “Trump” ever said to you.
Don’t Just Own The Libs. Own The Bankers Who Rejected Your Fraudulent PPP Application.
Being so brazen as to shock an Objectivist isn’t enough.
Worst Year In At Least A Century No Reason Not To Go Public
The SPAC-and-IPO party on Wall Street will have to stand in for the traditional holiday festivities this year.
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Goldman To Offer Bank Accounts To Anyone Selling Anything Online
Who needs special when you can have scale?
![By World Economic Forum (Flickr: The Global Financial Context: James Dimon) [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTIxNzQ1NzI1NDA0/jamiedimon3.jpg)
Scrooge McDimon’s War On Christmas
If Dirk Albersmeier catches someone so much as putting a holiday card up in the cubicle, there will be hell to pay: There are SPAC prospectuses to read.
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Credit Suisse Can Lose Nine Figures In All Sorts Of Ways
The financial crisis is still very much ongoing in Zürich.
Credit Suisse Spy Agency Was More Global, Inept Than Previously Reported
Not in your toolbox, eh, Urs?
Carrie Tolstedt Was Just Following Orders
Everything she said had the sign off from other people, so why are you hassling her?
Goldman Sachs Changes 60 Slightly Less White, Less Male But Every Bit As Trader- and I-Banker-y Lives
David Solomon’s retail revolution has yet to hit the partnership.
Someone Is Getting Marianne Lake’s Hopes Up Again
An unidentified regulator has some bad news for Jamie Dimon.
If Deutsche Bank Could Vote, It Would Vote For Non-Client Joe Biden
And then make Donald Trump a non-client as quickly as possible.
Bonus Watch ’20: Deutsche I-Bankers
We can’t believe we’re saying it any more than they can believe they’re hearing it.
People Who Helped Goldman Deal With 1MDB Scandal Create Need For Help Dealing With #metoo Scandal
The bank’s newfound wokeness has apparently failed to penetrate the legal department.
Goldman To Complete Transition To Anonymous Main Street Bank In Most Degrading Way Possible
Imagine thinking that bringing on a piece of Wells Fargo is a net-plus.
Wells Fargo May Deprive Investors Of Its Peerless Service And Customer Care
But not before drawing one last racial discrimination lawsuit therefrom.
(Taking Back) Bonus(es) Watch: Current, Former Goldman Sachs CEOs
$5.1 billion in fines demands a $174 million decrease in the comfort of millionaires.
This Is The Most Trusted Face On Wall Street
Scared and confused hedge funds flock to Brian Moynihan’s comforting research-filled bosom.
Goldman Sachs Urges Elect To Vote, But Not Before It Squares This Nasty 1MDB Business Away
Luckily for David Solomon, Bill Barr is super-busy destroying democracy these days.
D.J. D-Sol’s Sick Beats Draw $20,000 Fine
Also there was something about being a coronavirus superspreader event or some such.
Wells Fargo Employees Still Know How To (Fraudulently) Gussy Up An Application
And like some of their bad apple brethren are thusly former Wells Fargo employees now.
The Part Of Goldman Sachs David Solomon Is Getting Rid Of Posts Record Quarter
You won’t need to worry about profits doubling once Marcus is in charge.
Infected JPMorgan Employees Haven’t Spread COVID To Bank’s Bottom Line
Citigroup, on the other hand, is still feeling under the weather.
Running The Most Successful Bank On Wall Street Apparently Too Hard
So Jim Gorman wants to turn Morgan Stanley into Schwab.
Simply Being Citigroup An Offense Carrying A Nine-Figure Fine
And that doesn’t even take into account the QAnon guy.
Goldman To Change Fewer Lives, But In A More Dramatic Way
A Goldman partnership will not only bring precedence, but also the wealth that others associate with it.
Jamie Dimon’s Minions Have Been Keeping Busy
Several hundred of them on projects unrelated to JPMorgan Chase, but you’ve got to admire their gumption and ability to fill out forms.
You’ll Never Guess Where Commerzbank Found A CEO With A Taste For Five Figures Worth Of Layoffs
Hint: It didn’t have to look far.
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Poof! JPMorgan Makes Spoofing Allegations, $1 Billion Disappear
Spoofing really is a magical affair.
Wells Fargo CEO Sees Even Fewer Qualified Black People Than Its Board Saw Women Qualified For His Job
Affirmative inaction beneficiary Charlie Scharf doesn’t understand why he only wants to hire white people.
Banks’ Airtight Compliance Procedure Involves Laundering Money, Sending Report That Won’t Be Read, Collecting Fees, Laughing All The Way Back To Themselves
It doesn’t stop the money laundering, of course, but that’s not really the goal, is it?
The Last Handful Of U.S. Deutsche Bank Employees Never Have To Set Foot In 60 Wall Street Again
The rest merely need to come in a clean out their desks.