Banks

Thomas Gottstein has an extra $80 million to spend on, uh, other settlements, probably.

Sure, things were bad enough for Corbat to essentially get fired, but not bad enough to keep him from an eight-figure payday.

You don’t think a bank doing well would hand the reins to someone so conspicuously lacking in a penis if it were doing well, do you?

It’s a bad idea for a whole lot of reasons and you can’t make him, as long as he remains marooned in the south Pacific.

You don’t become the bank of choice for Eastern European gangsters by posing too many.

In karmically-related news, Deutsche Bank posted its first profit since the Obama Administration.

Apparently not in Hong Kong, anyway.

But Noel Quinn’s not a political man so he’d rather not get in to the obvious implications of that choice.

And David Solomon & co. are still paying for the sins of others.

We know, hard to believe at a firm that’s paid roughly €11ty gazillion in fines the last few years.

D-Sol and J-Gorm really would like to share they year’s bounty with you, but they just can’t right now.

Very on-brand for America’s most hapless Irish dad.

The not-46th-president-of-the-United-States made history this week all the same.

Comply with our subpoenas or, you know, just stop doing any business in the United States.

It definitely says “Thou shalt not cancel my checking account in absence of a mask” in one or all of those.

The Drumpfs need some new banks.

And private equity firms have even bigger concerns.

Unlike the president, Goldman Sachs really did mean it metaphorically.

As usual, it’s going to lose money on it.

BriMoy & co. are gonna hold on to what’s rightfully yours for your own good.

Deutsche Bank won’t have Rosemary Vrablic to kick around anymore. But Cy Vance still does.

How many it has, and how much it will cost, remains unclear.

Which is too bad for an astonished Credit Suisse.

Really, it was about someone fucking up on our side. Honest.

That kind of predatory nonsense belongs only in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

The Swiss have, as is their wont, precisely quantified the investment bank’s status.

Supreme Court To Decide If Banks Really Need To Be The Things They Say They Are Dek: Honesty

Please rise and raise your right hands and prepare to explain everything everyone named “Trump” ever said to you.

Being so brazen as to shock an Objectivist isn’t enough.

The SPAC-and-IPO party on Wall Street will have to stand in for the traditional holiday festivities this year.

We can’t believe we’re saying it any more than they can believe they’re hearing it.

The bank’s newfound wokeness has apparently failed to penetrate the legal department.

Imagine thinking that bringing on a piece of Wells Fargo is a net-plus.

But not before drawing one last racial discrimination lawsuit therefrom.