Banks

And if you’re a JPMorgan trader, it’s your job to keep him company.

Of course, Jane Fraser should remember what happened to the last Queen Jane.

Jamie Dimon’s not proud of it, but there it is.

Anyone can audit them, but there’s only one auditor they’re thinking about suing.

A font to fix it all.

At least, they say no one can question whether they’re doing it, which is just as good.

That’s how it’s supposed to work, right?

What can Dave Solomon do to get you into a new car with a built-in credit card today?

Da Bros don’t always wins, but they win enough.

Does anything say lack of success quite like “Deutsche Bank Park”?

Quickly enough to need to restate those earnings.

Cy Vance knows what we’re talking about.

Thanks for the input, Cerberus, but the other Germans have sort of maybe kinda got this.

Donald Trump’s Deutsche Banker scored a pretty nice profit by flipping it, too.

And the second quarter definitely did not kill it!

The Goldman chief found a hell of a potentially unlawful way to celebrate his $3.9 billion settlement of all those unlawful things his bank allegedly did in Malaysia.

Get caught lifting some pregnancy tests from a CVS when you were 18? Visit careers.jpmorgan.com today!

Mommy and Daddy in this case being China and the U.S.

Wait for a politically convenient moment, pay less.

The Swiss don’t believe in procrastinating.

Not a fan of Beijing’s heavy hand? No wealth management services for you!

Didn’t stop David Forbes from saying it, though.

I mean, sure, a 50% jump in profits seems great, but he wouldn’t want to set expectations too high.

Nothing is f*cked, dude.

Joseph Otting has made sure of that.

Turns out no one’s born with the moniker “RELATIONSHIP MANAGER-1.”

Oh, yes, and perhaps had something to do with the sale of Britain’s most successful soccer team? It rings a bit of a bell, now that you ask about it in lawsuit form.

The world’s fattest bank (in more ways than one) is preparing a crash diet.

Someone at the Frankfurt mailroom might want to keep an eye out for envelopes postmarked Albany and Manhattan.

The inevitable Deutsche Bank-Wirecard hookup is nearly here.

Not bad for two year’s work, but it did take a long time to hit the old bank account.

They’re not going to pay you much, but do appreciate your understanding and non-presence.

Maybe next time listen to those voices asking, “Is it a good idea to do business with a sex offender?”

Specifically, it regrets lending Neiman Marcus that money last month.