Banks

Noel Quinn won’t be saddled with the term interim when society finally collapses in a couple of weeks.

You guys, we need this.

At least. That we know of.

And it would have worked, too, if not for you meddling SJWs.

He’s serious, you guys! Why are you laughing?

Is it even worth mentioning a mere $35 million scandal at the stagecoach?

The only bankers to face a British jury over financial crisis shenanigans walk free.

But don’t worry, little stagecoach drivers: Jamie Dimon’s son-in-law is figuring out how to fix all of those broken wooden wheels.

This is getting exhausting.

Nothing else is solid or steadfast in Switzerland but an in-house hedge fund.

You might think they’re not related issues, but to Edward Bramson it’s like the big reveal in the DaVinci Code, a book I have not read.

Don’t make Lloyd Blankfein do it, you guys.

All at once. In the form of some very large checks to the Justice Department and SEC.

You like what you like, and Jim Gorman really likes that talking baby.

Desperate times call for frugal measures.

If you’re not an HSBC employee currently worried about coronavirus, you should be worried about your job.

Look! You’ve already forgotten about the last 12 terrible years, haven’t you?

They’d like to know if he improperly kept his underwear on in his disclosures to them.

Charles Scharf used to work for Jamie Dimon, so he has a keen eye for the differences between their two firms.

Trouble holding onto talent is another part of the new Goldman Sachs.

There’s something about him that just makes Swiss people uncomfortable, not that we have any idea what….

Credit Suisse’s institutional shareholders have their CEO’s back like Republican senators have the president’s.

Andrea Vella is super excited about the next stage of his career, which almost certainly will not involve travel to Malaysia.

Still, in retrospect, even Paras Shah would probably admit that outright theft was a poor choice.

Goldman’s new open-hearted approach is yet to pay dividends.

Of course, remaining Deutsche Bank may be existentially more expensive.

Kiss another piece of the Volcker rule goodbye.

Expensify has chosen a weird way to pitch itself to JPMorgan.

The World Economic Forum’s not the only thing going down in Switzerland.

Jes Staley loves you guys, he just doesn’t love paying you guys.

That or he’s taking out his frustration over being spied on out on 500 of you, and then spying on the rest of you for good measure.

To that person, should he or she exist, Baird has some deflating news.

The bank misspoke when it said the surveillance was isolated, but on that point only.

It's not picky!