Banks

Jamie's people are relatively happy while Wells Fargo's people...work at Wells Fargo.

"Eat shit, Schwab, we got puppies" said E*Trade in a statement.

Surprise! Tidjane Thiam’s been cleared by his bank’s probe into some Big Lebowski-esque private investigating.

Turns out “unofficial internship programs” for Asian magnates’ failchildren are frowned upon.

We demand a probe into Credit Suisse’s Arborgate!

This is probably not the kind of thing the bank should have allowed to reach the lawsuit stage.

Say what you will, but leaving BNY Mellon to run Wells Fargo proves that Charlie Scharf is definitely not a venal careerist.

C. Allen Parker might be getting the full-time promotion he seems to really not want.

Passing on a solid gold romcom pitch from the Khaleesi of Wall Street? Not great, Bob!

Everyone’s really enjoying the show, though.

And uncover whether its PIs thought Iqbal Khan’s kids were Credit Suisse employees about to jump ship.

Feels like a fair swap.

With the European economy in not-so slow collapse, Tidjane Thiam is wondering how much people like having their money in Swiss Francs.

These low interest rates are having an impact over at Schwab HR.

Just ask its outgoing CFO.

What is that you want to do with your life?

Tommaso Zanobini seems to not be Deutsche's global head of fintech banking anymore.

Christian Sewing is really going The Full Lutheran.

Sergio Ermotti send his apologies to the 18,000 people without jobs today as a result.

Or, you know, to help it stay afloat.

America’s least competent bank ripping off former customers is the stuff of the senator’s angry dreams.

But really, who at the bank hasn’t been indicted in Malaysia at this point?

Progress, but not time to shout out a celebratory, “Basta!”

We sense a trend, you guys.

Jamie Dimon seduced Adam Neumann in what we assume was a "Dangerous Liaisons" wager scenario with Lloyd Blankfein.

An insider tells us that The Stagecoach is asking non-customer facing telecommuters to uproot their lives or find a new job.

Jamie Dimon is apparently quite unimpressed with his Summer People.

The board is saying "HSBC ya later!" to its still-brand-new CEO.

Happy Friday, Wells Fargo tech vendors, we hope you like irony!

And unfortunately for Edward Bramson and the 3,000 of you without jobs, it’s not in the “deemphasize the investment bank” kind of way.

No, James Gorman isn’t any more interested in hearing about how great retail banks are doing, either, thank you.

C Allen Parker has increased profits despite flat revenue, and he wants out very very badly.

The Citi chief has scratched and clawed his way to the top from the depths, and he’s not gonna let anyone—least of all bankers—drag him back down.

Cathy Bessant is at the top of the list, but this IS Wells Fargo.