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Credit Suisse’s Intern-Licking, Money-Losing Days Are Over
Still, curb the enthusiasm that might evoke.
Banks
Jamie Dimon Hates Crypto So Much That He Made His Own To Prove How Dumb It Is
JPMCoin is the first financial instrument built to troll a whole class of financial instruments.
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Fed Officials Would Like To Have Less To Do
And think other central bankers should work publishing hours, as well.
Stressed Out Morgan Stanley Is Trying Retail Therapy
Jim Gorman is like SUCH a shopaholic now, you guys.
Danske Bank In Real Trouble Now That Inspector Clouseau Is On The Case
The Danes have to translate everything into French now.
Wells Fargo Tries Playing Dead, Market Very Easily Convinced
The stagecoach stopped rolling online and everyone beat it like a dead horse (we lost this metaphor).
Jim Cramer Clearly Hates Investment Bankers
The Mad One has a bank merger idea that indicates he yearns to bathe in the blood of I-Bankers.
Activist Hedge Fund Would Like To Pull Up A (Boardroom) Chair And Have A Bit Of A Chin-Wag About Barclays’ Investment Bank
Edward Bramson thinks Jes Staley’s victory lap was perhaps a bit premature.
D.J. D-Sol Working On Cutting Dis Track About His Own Commodities Traders
The Goldman chief is preparing to take out his frustrations upon them.
Deutsche Bank Turns In Disappointing Results For One Its Few Remaining Quarters
Christian Sewing now contemplating just running the whole show out of some WeWorks.
Former Barclays Exec In Hot Water For Being Confused About Words Like "Bribe" And "Butthole"
Richard Boath reportedly calls bribes "bungs," and also doesn't know how bribes work.
Wells Fargo Reveals New Logo And Everything Is Fixed Now
It's hard to remember all the fraud and rapacious fees what with this clean, new look.
Going Forward, Federal Regulators Should Announce When They Are NOT Probing Deutsche Bank
If Danske Bank broke all those laws, then the Fed is pretty sure that Deutsche Bank helped.
Morgan Stanley Forex Guys Have Bad Opinions On Pumping Breast Milk At The Office, And That's Bad For All Of Wall Street
Even binding arbitration might be getting short Morgan Stanley this week.
![By Petar43 (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3NTQ5MDk0MzE1OTk2/sage-leaves.jpg)
Jefferies Is Suing Cantor Fitzgerald Over Sage Kelly's Behavior In Most Boring Twist To Wall Street's Wildest Divorce
Investment banking talent poaching is not as much fun as wife-swapping, orgies or $28K strip club tabs.
Brian Moynihan A Big Fan Of Rate Hikes Everyone Else Hates
They may be crushing stocks and starting a recession, but they’re helping BofA out big time.
The French Are Giving Themselves A Second Chance On This Danske Bank Thing
In light of all the other international investigations, maybe Danske was a wee bit more than an “assisted witness.”
Wells Fargo Admits That It Will Remain In A Bad Bank Time Out For 2019
America’s naughtiest lender will stay under Fed punishment for the whole year.
Jamie Dimon Acts Very Presidential While Announcing Worst JPMorgan Quarter In Years
He's definitely not not running.
Citi Reports That It’s Still Way Too Big To Worry About A Massive Trading Loss
Mike Corbat: “I got creamed by that December volatility…come at me, bro.”
Bonus Watch '19: Deutsche Bank Unsubtly Telling Deutsche Bankers That Their Enmity Is Mutual
We're no math geniuses, but can Deutsche Bank cut bonuses back from nothing?
Wells Fargo Will Never Secretly Sell Pet Insurance To Unwitting Customers Without Cats In This State Again!
For two years! And only then if it pays California Tim Sloan’s raise.
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Banks Allegedly Rigged Sovereign Bonds, Because They Exist
Admit it: You’d almost be disappointed if they hadn’t.
Bonus Watch '18: RBC I-Bankers Are Letting The Surpassing Of Low Expectations Feel Like A Win
We call this a "Canadian Brag."
Barclays Managed To Lose $400 Million Betting Against Hedge Fund That Lost $850 Million
It shouldn’t be possible, but it is Barclays.
BNP Paribas Executive Offers Pepé Le Pew Defense In Sexual Discrimination Trial
"Oh, mon cheri, how can you be mad when you are my 'Princess'?"
Angela Merkel Ready To Go The Full Geithner On Dying Deutsche Bank
Hey, Commerzbank, congratulations on your impending shotgun marriage to Frankfurt's hottest mess.
Goldman Sachs Decides Fed Probably Isn’t Lying
The Elect will take the central bank at its word… for now.
Deutsche Bank Blaming Latest Legal Trouble On John Cryan Because Old Habits Die Hard
Meet the new boss, blaming the old boss!
BofA Downgrades Goldman Sachs, Giving Brian Moynihan The Strangest Sensation
Is this what...superiority feels like?
It's Difficult To Hear Christian Sewing Brag About Deutsche Bank's Rebirth What With All Those Police Sirens Blaring Outside Deutsche Bank HQ
German police raid Deutsche Bank after realizing that it hasn't been fined for anything in like months.
![Really only one reason to have a branch in Tallinn. By Pjotr Mahhonin [CC BY-SA 4.0 ], from Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTIyODE4NzQ2MzMy/danskebank.jpg)
Man Who Watched $233 Billion Laundered Has Never Seen Something As Awful As A British LLP
If Danske Bank had been incorporated under British law, well, you’d probably never have heard of Danske Bank.
Layoff Watch '18: Credit Suisse Looking Into How Many People Somehow Still Work At Credit Suisse
The bank tells Bloomberg that it isn't mulling over layoffs, which makes us wonder "why not?"
Warren Buffett Boldly Moves To Take Leadership Of The Draft Dimon Movement
35 million JPM shares? We get it, Mr. Oracle, and we're glad to have you aboard.
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HSBC Hopes You Weren’t Using Your Name, Address, Birthday, Account Numbers…
‘Cause someone else has’em now, too.
Wells Fargo Having A Very Wells Fargo Day
Tim Sloan probably hoped having it all drop on Election Day would keep people from noticing, but then Tim Sloan hopes for lots of things that don’t materialize.
Citigroup Board Picks The Next Person To Ensure That Mike Corbat Always Feels Like Half A Man
John Dugan is the new chairman of the world's most boring megabank.
Morgan Stanley: Actually, The Market Is Screwed
Jimmy Gorman's boys are ready to call this a bear market.
RBS Sets Aside Nine Figures For Looming Unfortunate Event
And this time, it’s not even one of its own making.
Wells Fargo Executives Charged With Fixing Wells Fargo Probably Not Fit To Reconcile A Cash Register At An In-N-Out Burger: OCC
Federal regulators have some more unwelcome news for the beleaguered bank.
Jes Staley’s ‘I Told You So’ Tour Rolls On
Barclays had another quarter in which its I-bank wasn’t too embarrassing.
Brian Moynihan Will Have You Know That He's Fired Thousands Of People, Like A MAN
BriMo would like everyone to know that he might run a bank, but he fired an airline.
BriMo Profit Up, Reputation Still Down
If the money’s not coming from I-banking, it doesn’t count.
Firings, Reduced Seamless Bills Really Paying Off For Wells Fargo
And just wait until those RMBS profits start rolling in.
Jamie Dimon Thinks That Things Are Looking Good Out There, Muses That They Could Perhaps Look Better
The Khaleesi of Wall Street is entering the "Dopey" portion of his pre-campaign rope-a-dope.