Banks

Sergio Ermotti barely notices the I-bank’s losses anymore, which is the point of them, right?

Give him your hungry, your tired, your convicted felons yearning to, uh, say hello to people as they enter a Chase branch.

BriMo gets which way the wind is blowing.

The former Eeyore of Wall Street is now a compulsive winner making life more interesting for Jamie Dimon.

We’re as surprised as you are, but less surprised some muckrakers are here to screw it up.

Who can even remember why banks were forced to increase capital reserves or plan for their own demises anymore?

Certain bankers might wish to avoid entering any Saudi diplomatic posts for the time being.

We're in a "semi-recession," says Zurich's messy drama queens.

I mean, if you really think about it.

Jamie's people are relatively happy while Wells Fargo's people...work at Wells Fargo.

"Eat shit, Schwab, we got puppies" said E*Trade in a statement.

Surprise! Tidjane Thiam’s been cleared by his bank’s probe into some Big Lebowski-esque private investigating.

Turns out “unofficial internship programs” for Asian magnates’ failchildren are frowned upon.

We demand a probe into Credit Suisse’s Arborgate!

This is probably not the kind of thing the bank should have allowed to reach the lawsuit stage.

Say what you will, but leaving BNY Mellon to run Wells Fargo proves that Charlie Scharf is definitely not a venal careerist.

C. Allen Parker might be getting the full-time promotion he seems to really not want.

Passing on a solid gold romcom pitch from the Khaleesi of Wall Street? Not great, Bob!

Everyone’s really enjoying the show, though.

And uncover whether its PIs thought Iqbal Khan’s kids were Credit Suisse employees about to jump ship.

Feels like a fair swap.

With the European economy in not-so slow collapse, Tidjane Thiam is wondering how much people like having their money in Swiss Francs.

These low interest rates are having an impact over at Schwab HR.

Just ask its outgoing CFO.

What is that you want to do with your life?

Tommaso Zanobini seems to not be Deutsche's global head of fintech banking anymore.

Christian Sewing is really going The Full Lutheran.

Sergio Ermotti send his apologies to the 18,000 people without jobs today as a result.

Or, you know, to help it stay afloat.

America’s least competent bank ripping off former customers is the stuff of the senator’s angry dreams.

‘Cuz that’s the only thing Credit Suisse is failing at these days.

Only 140,000 Social Security numbers were stolen, the other 99% are almost definitely safe...wait, what?

Citi's background check situation is not...strong?

Everyone else is doing it, so now Michael Corbat is too.