Banks

Look! You’ve already forgotten about the last 12 terrible years, haven’t you?

They’d like to know if he improperly kept his underwear on in his disclosures to them.

Charles Scharf used to work for Jamie Dimon, so he has a keen eye for the differences between their two firms.

Trouble holding onto talent is another part of the new Goldman Sachs.

There’s something about him that just makes Swiss people uncomfortable, not that we have any idea what….

Credit Suisse’s institutional shareholders have their CEO’s back like Republican senators have the president’s.

Andrea Vella is super excited about the next stage of his career, which almost certainly will not involve travel to Malaysia.

Still, in retrospect, even Paras Shah would probably admit that outright theft was a poor choice.

Goldman’s new open-hearted approach is yet to pay dividends.

Of course, remaining Deutsche Bank may be existentially more expensive.

Kiss another piece of the Volcker rule goodbye.

Expensify has chosen a weird way to pitch itself to JPMorgan.

The World Economic Forum’s not the only thing going down in Switzerland.

Jes Staley loves you guys, he just doesn’t love paying you guys.

If you board has as many penises as members, you can take your IPO elsewhere.

Comrade Sanders is threatening to erode society, by which Jamie Dimon presumably means his $1.7 billion (and growing!) fortune.

And before you make that offer to Carrie Toldstedt, you might want to read on.

Morgan Stanley paid $124 million to make people go away and still set profit records.

It was fun while it lasted, though, right, buddy?

DJ D-Sol is spinning some sad tunes up on 12 if you’d like to commiserate.

In possibly related news, it just set half of its quarterly earnings on fire.

JPMorgan sees Citi’s 31% trading boost and 12% RoE and raises it 55% and 15%.

There’ll be far fewer trips to B-Dubs for Bryan Cohen going forward.

More transparency? To attract investors? What is this, Bank of America?

That or he’s taking out his frustration over being spied on out on 500 of you, and then spying on the rest of you for good measure.

To that person, should he or she exist, Baird has some deflating news.

The bank misspoke when it said the surveillance was isolated, but on that point only.

It's not picky!

Someone who is running for president would like to know.

A bit of extra vigilance might be in order, and will probably be enough to catch the hapless rent-a-cops in Tidjane Thiam’s employ.

The people persons are precisely reflective of the organization as a whole.

And they had plenty of their own stink to deal with already.

Oh? You don’t have $24,000 in cash lying around? I see.

Actually, there’s nothing to see, or at least nothing you’d want to see.