Hedge Funds

As the CEOs of the various COVID vaccine makers would tell them, timing is everything.

In fairness to them, the whole paying-Revlon’s-debt-early thing is incredibly funny.

Well, probably not, but we’ll read whatever we like into that “no comment.”

While the winner of last week’s election may have mattered a great deal to the Third Point chief, he knew it wouldn’t to markets.

Never trust a South Florida money manager without an ex-wife and BMW. Or one with them, apparently.

Anchorage Capital appears to have forgotten that lawsuits are public record.

At least in his introductory press conference, that is.

If he’d just do what they want, he’d find China’s market regulators to be very reasonable and caring people.

And he’s not about to take his first “L” of the Trump administration, unlike the outgoing commander-in-chief.

Steve Cohen cleans house.

Nope, it’s not a Cybertruck with an actual unbreakable windshield.

The former Och-Ziff Capital Management is done with its bribery dealings.

He’s going to focus full-time on losing your money. (And the chickens. And defending himself against sexual assault charges.)

Remember this, revolutionaries, when the reckoning comes.

Turns out, the proposal is against it.

In fact, he’s rather insistent it stick around for a little longer. Or a lot longer, depending on how long it takes to get his money.

It’s all he knows how to do at this point.

Oh yea, and don’t even think about bailing out those lazy work-shirkers with another pandemic stimulus package.

Litigation promises to be much more lucrative than whatever it was NS8 pretended to be doing.

Getting rid of most 13Fs proves too unpopular even for someone with nothing to lose like Jay Clayton.

If only they were as good at delivering power and keeping their utility lines from becoming giant lighters as they are at running legal circles around a hedge fund.

Nothing else will change, of course.

Not even his designated successor and the lure of tens of millions in tax savings could get the Elliott Management chief to live among those people.

Congrats, you left the European Union. Now you’ve got to come back if you want to keep your job.

Jerry Reinsdorf has no idea what he’s getting himself into.

Dean Mustaphalli knows what we’re talking about.

The wealthy and powerful could be and were trusted with the truth.

If they’d just unfreeze those assets, his little bro would quickly get them back to his alleged victims, he’s pretty sure.

A mansion in L.A. here, perhaps a pied-a-terre in London there, and oh yea a market-maker with some change fished out of a couch.

Enough to forego $3 million per year in Disney dividends.

Jail? Probable. $60 million? Not quite.

For once, Sam Isaly’s dogged refusal to accept his limitations has backfired on him.

A CFA is nice, too.

Bring on the wildebeests.