Always Have A Better Plan B Than Asking To Go To The Bathroom And Just Not Coming Back
Because the SEC and Justice Department? Yea, they’re gonna come back.
Inflation Forcing Hedge Fund Manager’s Wife To Iron Own Clothes, Use More Cabs, Shop At Farmers’ Market
Well, inflation and a lavish renovation of her new house.
Point72 Employees Eager To Get Yelled At For Messing Up Two Jobs
And the New York Mets are all the better for it.
Hedge Fund Exec Knocked Up Employee, Allegedly Took Her On A Nice Vacation On The Company’s Dime, Still Wants Huge Severance Package
And there’s also more about his package.
Ripping Off Your Fellow Creditors Disqualifies You From Bankruptcy Committees And Maybe From Running A Hedge Fund, But Not From Being A Lawyer
Six months’ suspension for six months in jail, apparently.
Bankruptcy Judge Not Inclined To Give Guy Lying About Being Broke For Years The Benefit Of The Doubt
Dov Charney’s courtroom calamities continue.
Prosecutors Pretty Sure You Can’t Lose Your Banks $10 Billion Legally
Which is bad news for Bill Hwang and the Archegos crew.
Gabe Plotkin Backtracking On Fee Reset Faster Than He’s Losing Money
Actually, yea, that was a really stupid idea. Totally. Just, like, forget about it and stuff.
If Only GWG Holdings Had Been Selling Bonds Linked To Its Own Life Insurance Policy
Then its elderly investors would be fine. As it happens, however….
You Say ‘Terrible Error In Judgment,’ Prosecutors Say ‘Ripped Off Investors For More Than A Decade’
The judge says: “12 years in jail.”
Crispin Odey, Gabe Plotkin Going In Very Different Directions
Investors with either of them are still in the red, but only one is still stockpiling scarlet ink.
Ken Griffin Would Have Handled This Whole Russia Thing Differently
But thanks for the soccer team, he guesses.
Carl Icahn Takes His Bacon Battle To The Supermarket Aisle
And now that he’s looking at Kroger, he sees something else he doesn’t like.
Bill Ackman To Stop Doing Thing He Hasn’t Done In Years
You won’t be seeing any future Herbalife-like crusades from Pershing Square anymore.
Justice Department Maybe Wondering Whether 45% Returns Might Not Be The Proof It Needs That Short-Selling Is Insider Trading
And it’s not afraid to go to Canada to find it.
Soccer (Ownership) World Cup Draws Paul Singer Against Ken Griffin
Who’s willing to do what it takes to buy a marquee team from a disgraced Russian oligarch?
Columbia Law School Embroiled In Short Sales Kerfuffle
A good old-fashioned tenure fight.
When Being One Of—If Not The—First Call A Banker Makes Is Not Such A Great Thing
It’s when bragging about it becomes Exhibit A.
Man Who Claims He’s Been Broke For Almost A Decade Finally Files For Bankruptcy
Which filing also shows he’s got as much as $50 million in assets lying around.
Bill Ackman Would Have Turned Russia Into A Sheet Of Nuclear Glass By Now
Wartime dispatches from Russia, Ukraine and the CNBC studios.
Carl Icahn Sure Does Miss The Days When Presidents, SEC Chairs Were More Inclined To Listen To Carl Icahn
Unsurprisingly, Gary Gensler’s idea of sensible securities regulation does not align with Uncle Carl’s.
McDonald’s: We May Be Liars, But Carl Icahn’s A Hypocrite
Why is it only our pigs that he’s worried about, wonder the sausage egg McMuffin slingers.
If You’re Gonna Inflate Valuations, Best To Avoid The ‘Impossible’
Unless you are aiming for simultaneous knocks on the door from the FBI, SEC and CFTC. Then it’s fine.
What Does Andrew Left Like Less: Getting Slaughtered By Redditors Or Having The FBI Show Up At His Door?
It’s a question he can answer now!
Carl Icahn Knows How Pigs Get Pregnant, And Also When Someone Is Trying To Get One Over On Him
He went to medical school once, Chris Kempczinski.
Man Who Presided Over Continent-Wide Bribery Scheme Unhappy With Old Firm’s Corporate Governance
Dan Och would never have allowed this kind of thing to go on under his watch. Corruption on a lavishly grand scale, yes, but not overpaying a f*cking ski instructor.
Sedef Koktenturk (Allegedly) Had Two Things Going Against Her
For one, she worked at Goldman Sachs. For another, she is a woman.
Viking Still Desperately Ill With COVID, Still Convinced It’s Almost Over
Andreas Halvorsen is convinced this year is the one travel goes berserker. You know, just like he was last year.
There’s Got To Be At Least A Little Part Of Bill Ackman That Hopes The Pandemic Will Never End
It just provides so many opportunities to turn a few million dollars into more than a billion.
Texas Real Estate Executives Guilty Of Proving Kyle Bass Right
And, also, relatedly and with the prospect of decades in prison attach, conspiracy and fraud.
Activist Investing Basically Insider Trading, Sayeth Gary Gensler
He’s got a lot of plans for the hedge fund industry, and it’s not going to like them.
Hedge Funds Still Not Sold On Trump’s Fantasy Fascist Facebook
All it takes to get billionaires to reject a guaranteed return is an association with the most odious man on the planet.
Maybe Republicans Weren’t Being Sincere About Wanting To Boost Investment In Low-Income Areas
This may come as a surprise to Sen. Ron Wyden, but not to Anthony Scaramucci.
Ken Griffin Needs Help, Another $75 Million House To Cope With This World Gone Crazy
Citadel Securities is going crypto, sort of.
It’s Good To Have An Investor Who Has A Cousin Who Sits On Corporate Boards Who Has A Dad Who Also Sits On Corporate Boards
At least until it isn’t good anymore, specifically when the FBI shows up with handcuffs.
Unfortunately-Timed Bonus Watch ’21: Rokos Capital Management
Who doesn’t want to get paid $1.2 billion en route to losing $4 billion?
Ray Dalio Manages Best Return In Years, New Scheme To Pretend He’s Not In Charge Again All In Same Month
For his part, David Shaw just kicked back and enjoyed the fruits of a successful transition in style.
BlueCrest Is Sick And Tired Of Paying Fines For Screwing Over Investors That It Doesn’t Even Have Anymore
Sure, it settled the exact same allegations in the U.S. last year, but it’ll be damned if it has to do so again in the U.K. this one.
The EU Doesn’t Care About Where You’re Financing Environmental Destruction From, It Still Wants To Know About
It also doesn’t care how big a pain-in-the-ass that might be for hedge funds.