Hedge Funds

The basis trade, the risk parity trade and the quants all have a fever and dry cough.

Protective orders may not be binding in the Kingdom of Heaven, but here in the fallen world they still must be obeyed.

Apparently, all it took to send an emotional market over the edge was a teary hedge fund manager.

What’s normally just gross was briefly high comedy for Solitude Capital Management’s Joel Werner.

Let’s start with 2008 and then go from there.

If you’ve been in contact with Solus Alternative Asset Management’s flagship, please lock your door right away and swallow the key.

Ray Dalio is self-quarantining his entire staff.

You think this is bad? The hedge fund manager pities the penury of your imagination.

He’s still up! A bit!

We can only hope that Steve Cohen is keeping his distance from employees and bathing in the hand sanitizer he’s stockpiled.

Times are tough for Phil and Lisa Maria.

Paul Singer’s bloodlust is temporarily sated by a $2 billion buyback.

So it’s filing a redemption request of sorts. In court.

As Carl Icahn has learned many, many, many times before, sometime a show of force is required to get the stupid to submit, just like Gandhi taught.

Without black edge, preferably.

Eventually, Citadel Securities will occupy all of the office space in Manhattan, but for now will settle for an extra 12,000 square feet.

Can there be a pandemic every month

Peter Nygard has found another three-letter acronym he thinks Louis Bacon controls.

If he survives the cancer sticks, he sure as hell doesn’t want to die of some trumped-up flu.

It took Louis Bacon five years, but not much imagination, to come up with the latest allegations against his Bahamian neighbor.

It’s safe to say that boasting about managing the Genovese drug store fortune in 2032 will be even less of a draw to potential investors than it was in 2015.

Calvin Klein’s old place in Southampton is just the right getaway for the Citadel chief to spend two or three days a year.

First put it up as collateral for a loan, then allegedly just sell it without paying off that loan.

Nothing you believe about this predatory snowbird is true, it seems.

We can survive only one of these things, sayeth the crankiest of cranky old men.

Emmanuel Lemelson may not have the power of prophecy he claims, but he sure does seem to have gotten jobbed by the SEC and a company he shorted.

Citadel is making plans as big as a Ken Griffin beachside getaway.

You can be sure Jim Simons took some deep, satisfying drags as Elon Musk made him another $2 billion.

Literally.

If you’re looking for grandpa, he’s a few blocks north.

Let’s pretend GAM’s acquisition of hedge fund Cantab Capital wasn’t a catastrophe, and go from there.

It will need it.

New York’s impenetrable tax code claims another victim.