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He certainly can record a song in his basement and find 2.75 million stupid or bored enough to listen to it, though.

Which is a rather extraordinary thing to say for a bankruptcy judge, but in the case of Jay Alix v. McKinsey, we totally get it.

You’ll have Boeing or a microbe or the specter of Bernie Sanders to blame, so Steve Mnuchin would appreciate it if you vote accordingly.

If it still has some value.

The coronavirus is definitely not good news for the president’s reelection campaign.

The Silicon Valley disruptor/kombucha distributor’s new high priest is, uh, a real-estate executive.

Ignore the dead Chinese people and consider of the opportunities they present.

Especially if you’re gonna lose a few hundred million dollars. Which, by the way, if you had that risk manager…

Did you think he wasn’t going to try to protect the $750-a-pill golden goose by any means necessary?

Mrs. Steve Mnuchin (briefly) stands with Greta Thunberg, and realizes what the rest of us have known for a while.

During that phone call about those cool rockets Elon Musk is building, did the president not notice that he talks kinda funny?

That last part’s up to you, creditors.

What’s insider trading compared to that stain on one’s conscience?

The only way to stop him is through extralegal means.

And it cannot rest in peace until they're paid.

Attention NYU Law students: A broken man is coming your way for the fall semester.

One man’s sport is another man’s felony conviction.

Unfortunately, according to the SEC, this did not live up to its prospectus.

But he might be insider-trading.

Not really, or at least not yet, but man would it be a windfall.

It’s perfect.

The Bank of England governor knows its been a while since the Beard central banked, but this plenty of tools talk is utter nonsense.

Banks are willing to give it the money, for some reason.

Carlos Ghosn was a one-off, Japanese authorities insist.

Maybe even malpractice-ly.

The deep state and finance capital strike again!

Then maybe he wouldn’t have done it.

If Preet Bharara had known about Title 18, he’d probably be president by now or something.

They’ll be writing folk epics about the man in Lebanon for generations.

Was there no one around to grab his phone when TSLA shares hit $420?

Also probably of being 92, but killing his beloved progeny can’t have helped, you monsters.

And since “trading” and “fake trading” are one and the same for bitcoins…

This may seem an unnecessary bit of legislative masturbation, but it’s not!

Add “poor” to the lexicon of words the Tesla founder sees differently from the rest of us.