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This is how the fable would end if the turtle survived and lawyered up on the scorpion.

Not even the number of Senators against him outnumbering those who aren’t yet against him.

Don’t expect Monica Crowley’s screen time to decline just because she’s working for the government now.

The Schwarz is having himself a heavy flow news day.

Of course, if he’d like to step aside President Trump is ready and willing to nominate another clown to the Fed.

He may not remember the things that come out of his mouth, but unfortunately he said many of them in print or in front of a camera.

Jay Alix isn’t saying that destroying the consulting giant wouldn’t be nice, just that he’s doing it for the right reasons.

Still, he and Larry Kudlow have been most useful idiots.

We were under the assumption that you were supposed to reward yourself for serving special interests in Congress...not punish yourself.

He even waited in line like everybody else, even if no one else just lost $36 billion.

The Democrats running The House is already put a real crimp in Mnooks' DGAF civil servant style.

The modern IPO landscape is not dumb at all.

What started as a pretty good joke has become all too real.

It's time to build a wall around Larry Kudlow.

Another brick falls from the facade hiding the #DraftDimon movement.

Did you really think that Uncle Carl would fall for this bullsh!t?

Throwing a fit didn’t work so what else is a president of the United States supposed to do?

People are still getting excited, of course, but you’d expect that.

Do not presume to know the machinations going on within his shiny dome.

The moneymen are no longer amused.

WYD Kuddles?

He’s crowdsourcing.

Somehow, a $75K tax lien is not even close to the most disqualifying thing about Moore's nomination.

These eight-figure checks don’t send the message, “we don’t care.”

Stephen Moore seems pretty skeptical of Stephen Moore's chances here.

The ex-CEO of Enron is shockingly intrigued by a market in which pump n' dumps are fine n' normal.

No one has ever quite mastered being no things to all people quite like the Fed chief.

If you're making to make up White House interns to be funny, maybe don't assign them tasks.

Actions speak louder than words, even than words in Fedspeak.

So, yeah, we should totally stop raising interest rates.

Alan Wilzig, who needs you to know he’s not at all as nerdy as he appears in the movie, settles for $30 million less.

The market is bleeding from the face and Kuddles is not on TV...are we all going to die?

It really feels like The Big Grundle is giving out anonymous primo quotes to reporters about what he did in Trump's White House.

Even Bill seems to admit that he was the last to know.