News
If You’re A CFO And Your Company Isn’t Filing For Bankruptcy, You’re Nobody
A near-corporate-death experience is the new must-have résumé line.
Maria Bartiromo Marks Pioneering Presence On NYSE Floor With Celebratory Absence
Whatever reopening phase the Big Board is up to does not include celebrity bell-ringers.
![By Federalreserve [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTk4NTE3OTM3NjUz/volcker.jpg)
America’s Regulatory Ranks Have No Room For Black People, But Plenty For Judy Shelton
Who says this country suffers from systemic racism?
Turns Out You Can Charge Some Sweet Buds
Your parents may ask why you’re spending so much on “home décor,” but it’s better than the alternative.
Robinhood To Stick To Sherwood Forest, Maryland For Now
It’s not you, England (read: Brexit). It’s us (read: glitches, etc.).
![By WRI Staff [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTgwMjY0NjU0MzI1/immelt.jpg)
How Could You Distinguish This From A Real Elon Musk Tweet?
Because, bravo, you guys seemed to be able to do it.
Wirecard May Have Laundered Money In Addition To Making It Up
While prosecutors are having a look around the place, you never know what might turn up.
But I Was Promised A V-Shaped Recovery!
The news, while not exactly all bad, is also not particularly good.
The Payday Lender Protection Bureau Completes Its Work
Which is good (for it, and for payday lenders), because it’s probably running out of time.
![By Chris Potter (Flickr: 3D Judges Gavel) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTIzODkyNjg0Mjc3/gavel.jpg)
Seriously, Just Google The Guy Offering You 40,000% Returns
Chances are, he’s done it before—and those people didn’t get their $1 million a week, either.
Have FINRA’s People, Members Earned A Right To Have An Opinion?
The self-regulator’s new chairperson would like to know.
Supreme Court Orders Joe Biden To Fire CFPB Director On Jan. 20
The CFPB is alive if unwell, and may be ready to get back to business early next year.
Who Could Have Guessed That A Secret Messaging App’s Cryptocurrency Might Be A Bad Idea?
Not the people who invested $1.7 billion in it, that’s for sure.
Wall Street’s Finest Pay $2 Million-Plus For 7,400 Votes Against Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Which is only 20,000 or so fewer than the votes for their congressional bête noire.
![Uh, where is everybody? where did they go? this is a long caption. really long. does it wrap? By Kevin Hutchinson (Flickr) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTE1MDM0MTgzNjQ0/nyse.jpg)
Best Buds Jay Clayton, Bill Barr Join Forces To Make Exchanges Rue The Day They Tried To Stop Jay Clayton From Rejecting Premium Data Fee Hike
How about no premium data fees at all, you monopolistic bastards?
![Quit hiding behind the bench. By Phil Roeder (Flickr: Supreme Court of the United States) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTk0NzU5NTc5MTI1/supremecourt.jpg)
Supreme Court: Disgorgement Still A Thing, But Not As Much Of A Thing As SEC Would Like
The real winner here is John Roberts, who made everyone happy. Except Clarence Thomas.
Jay Clayton’s Homecoming Plans Hit A Snag
A prestigious job he’s not qualified for may not be in the cards, but hey: At least it’s incompetence and not corruption.
Big Reveal In Bolton Book: Trump Hated Bitcoin All The Way Back In 2018
A devastating revelation, we know.
Glorified Flu No Reason Not To Want To Buy 24 Malls
Taubman Centers wonders if Simon is familiar with the legal principle of “no takebacks.”
Condo Board Thinks Bargain-Basement Deal As Big A Scandal As 1MDB Itself
Forty-six exceedingly rich New Yorkers aren’t going to let some pauper literally lord it over them for just $18.5 million.
Stock Exchanges Don’t Have To Do Thing They Very Much Don’t Want To At Their Own Expense
If the SEC wants to know how rebates impact stock trading, they’ll have to figure it out themselves.
Hertz Would Like To Sell You Half A Billion Worth Of Worthless Stock
Behold, the most amazing regulatory filing in the history of stupid capitalism.
Yup, It’s Gamblers
The stock market looks as good as it does because addiction is a powerful, powerful force.
What, No One Wants To Trade A Hertz Pink Sheet?
That NYSE listing is apparently worth several dollars a share to a stock that’s only worth several dollars a share.
Harmless On Their Own, Bitcoins And Gen Z Combined Constitute Serious National Security Threat
The Pentagon is ready for the cryptorebellion come 2025.
Chewy.com Is Not Pets.com… Yet
Unlike its predecessor, it’s profitable and still alive a year after its IPO, but…
Brown-Bagging It Will Be The Least Of Your Problems
OK, maybe not the least, but going back to the office is still gonna suck.
Compassion For Bernie Madoff In Pretty Short Supply
U.S. District Judge Denny Chin understands math and actuarial tables as well now as he did 11 years ago.
Redditor Learns Importance Of Diversification The Hard Way
He still thinks that putting it all on Luckin wasn’t crazy, just, uh, un-Luckin.
Whistleblowing Apparently An Effective Way To Pass The Time
It's pretty hard to keep an eye on potential tattle-tales when they're all working from home.
Buyer Snaps Up Slice Of That 1MDB Life
Jho Low’s Mandarin Oriental aerie is no longer in the hands of the federal Marshals.
![By U.S. Government [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MjA4NzE4MzUzOTA5/cftc.jpg)
CFTC To Calculate Fines On More Specific Range Of Envelope Backs
There won’t be consistency, but there will be a more consistent range of made-up numbers you have to put on a check.
Jay Powell Is Making It Up As He Goes Along
This is a less reassuring statement than he probably thinks.
Judge Rules That Being Lenny Dykstra Makes Libeling Lenny Dykstra Impossible
Turns out it’s legally impossible to think less of the former Met.
![By No machine-readable author provided. Bogdan assumed (based on copyright claims). [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTE3MTgyNjUwMzMy/marijuana.jpg)
Bill Barr A Real Stickler For The Rules When It Comes To Weed Workers Filing For Bankruptcy
Maybe they should try obstructing justice on the president’s behalf, instead.
Badly-Timed Bonus Watch ‘19
SoftBank and Tesla, the two companies that make the least sense, give their bosses rich pats on the back for jobs apparently well-done by some inscrutable measure.
Bill Barr Has Figured Out How He’s Gonna Sweep Richard Burr’s Insider Trading Under The Rug
It is apparently unconstitutional to prevent senators from insider-trading on confidential information received as senators.
Turns Out Forging An Investor’s Signature Is More Than Just ‘Bad Judgment’
According to the SEC and Justice Department, it, along with other things, is fraud.
![Presidencia de la Nación Argentina [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTIyMjg0MjM0MjI5/kirchner.jpg)
Japan Committed To Throwing Someone In Jail For Carlos Ghosn’s Alleged Crimes
And if it’s not going to be the former Nissan boss, it might as well be the people who kept him out of it.
The Most Expensive Fried Rice In History
All it took to earn the former 1MDB CEO’s confidence was some lavish praise for his nasi goring.
Steve Mnuchin Doesn’t Scare These Public Companies
Just because the Treasury Secretary says something is against the law doesn’t make it so.
Masa Son’s Unicorns Were Actually Lemmings
The last year really could have gone somewhat better for SoftBank.