Opening Bell

Here's a fun game to play ... what's more worthless: Kohl's Cash or the Venezuelan bolívar?

Bust out the Tres-Commas Tequila ...

... all was not well.

You won't like Mark Tritton when he's angry ...

Turns out war is good for something: oil prices.

Everyone remembers how the roaring twenties ended ... right?

You can't make this shit up, folks ...

You won't like James when he's angry ...

Bezos prevails in Festivus feats of strength ...

Houston, we have a problem ...

Don't you hate when bad things happen to good people?

First Raj Rajaratnam ... now this?

That's Mark Tritton's music!

Jeff Bezos is the kinda guy who avoids eye contact with the Salvation Army Bell Ringers ...

Who ya got? Sallie Mae or Live Nation?

Donny Politics out here playing chess while we're playing checkers ...

Baby Yoda isn't even that cute ... there, I said it ...

This is why we can't have nice trade deals ...

On the bright side ... it could be worse, you could have been fired from Wells Fargo ...

Foreign officials better get used to powdered eggs at the Econo Lodge ...

Stop fraternizing with the help ...

Cohen knows a thing or two about stealing signs ...

Rest and vest ...

PDFs and analytics - that's what Adobe does ... apparently

The worst part of online shopping? No riots outside of Walmart at 4 AM on Black Friday.

"I'll tell you when I've had enough." - Papa John

This is why eBay can't have nice things ...

Elon Musk is trolling all of us ...

Charles Schwab is a bad, bad man.

Goldman isn't a regular bank, it's a cool bank.

Prison sentences end … but r/WallStreetBets legends never die ...

"And for that reason, I'm out." - Kevin Plank, probably

It's all fun and games until someone gets chopped up ...

Somewhere, Peter Thiel is laughing maniacally ...