balls

Not because of performance.

Welcome back to The Suck, Mittens.

Uber: Zagreb sounds like a thing, huh?

"I have a big favor to ask," "Strap on a pair," "I'm begging u pleaaaassseee": memorializing the Deutsche Bank Libor chats.

The judicial system is no impediment for George Soros's on-again, off-again non-exclusive ex-girlfriend!

On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being standard, 10 being elephantiasis, how big do you think the balls are on the guy who calls up a hedge fund manager 23 seconds after his meeting with fellow board members concludes to leak inside information about that company and then, after being convicted of securities fraud and conspiracy, tells the company, which paid his legal fees, he doesn't owe them a dime? And that maybe if they put everything into an excel spreadsheet, he'll think about tossing them a couple dollars, but probably not?

Because he's had some previous success putting bankers on deadlines for complying with his demands and because he has had it up to here with financial regulators and the companies they supervise, both of which have been dragging their heels since Dodd-Frank was passed, CLSA analyst Mike Mayo appeared on CNBC today to issue a message: The time for thumb twiddling is over. Move your asses, NOW, or he'll move them for you. Regulators need to write new financial services rules and banks need to get back to banking, CLSA analyst Mike Mayo told CNBC’s Squawk on the Street. “It’s been two years since Dodd-Frank was passed,” Mayo said. “If you’re the regulators, get these laws written, if you’re the banks, at some point you have to play the ball where it lies. You need to get back to the business of banking.” Mayo said there should be “no more excuses.” Everyone understand or does he need to enunciate? Yes? Okay: play the ball where it lies, you useless cocksuckers! If it's in the water, roll your fucking khakis up and do something useful for once in your pathetic fucking lives. ‘No More Excuses’ from Banks or Regulators: Analyst [CNBC] Related: Mike Mayo Suggests Citi Chair Dick Parsons Be Gone In A Fortnight, Or Else

Time was, Jamie Dimon was the most popular CEO on Wall Street and America's "Least Hated Banker," for reasons that included the fact that the man has soulful blue eyes, charisma out the ass, and was in charge of one of the banks that a) didn't go out of business during the financial crisis, like Lehman and Bear and b) supposedly didn't actually need the bailout money the government made it take (as JD has said previously), like Bank of America and Citigroup. The man, in the hearts of many and especially the adoring press, could do no wrong. Which is why it probably stung a lot that Lloyd Blankfein, a Wall Street CEO who also possesses more charm than a person would know what do do with, who was also in charge of a bank that neither went out of business during the financial crisis nor required the bailout money it was forced to take (according to GS), and who is also the owner of a pair of baby blues, though in his case ones that sparkle, could only do wrong. And while LB is not one to gloat at another's misfortune, especially that of a friend, he's obviously feeling pretty good about being living proof of the old saying, "only one Wall Street CEO's balls can be in a vise at a time," and right now it's JD's turn. Dimon did not attend the annual Robin Hood Foundation party [last night], but Blankfein was there, enjoying a rare night out of the spotlight. He shook hands, introduced his wife and, grinning broadly, posed for pictures. For months, Goldman Sachs has been portrayed as the callous Wall Street behemoth whose executives collected giant bonuses while America's housing crisis worsened and unemployment rose. But Monday night was different. "No one cares about Lloyd tonight. It is Jamie against the world, and that's got to feel good for Lloyd," another hedge fund manager said. And this is just the beginning. First, they stop calling you Satan and claiming you poisoned their food, next glowing profiles and cover stories devoting major column inches to your rippling biceps and the throngs of women you beat off with a stick. Dimon Pushes Blankfein Off Hot Seat At Charity Gala [Reuters] Robin Hood Scene: Blankfein, Soros, Rihanna [Bloomberg/Photo]